Yeah, Trump Needs to Go After Hunter Biden at This Debate

Tuesday’s debate has to be more than crushing: it has to be crippling.

Joe Biden needs to be rolled away from it on a stretcher, foaming at the mouth.

I think Donald Trump has begun to grasp the stakes involved here.

And I don’t mean Trump Branded Steaks, which is what I’m trying to grasp for a debate-side snack (but the Sharper Image is closed because of the coronavirus, a fact I was harshly awakened to when I went to repair the motor on my High-Performance Personal Air Purifier).

I mean stakes a lot less tender and not even 30% as juicy: if he loses this election, or it is close enough that the Democrats are able to get the military to remove him from the White House, he and his whole family are going to die in prison.

Hopefully the president blasts Joe Biden on his absurdly corrupt son, who was smoking crack in the back room of the strip club while knocking up hookers in-between trips to the Ukraine to accept bribe money.

On Sunday, President Trump called out the fiendish Biden Crime Family in what is hopefully a preview of Tuesday’s debate, noting how totally absurd it is that the media won’t report that this crack-smoking loser had very serious problems and then when his dad became president he was all of a sudden reeling in the years, as they say. Rather, as Steely Dan says.

All of a sudden this crackhead is a millionaire.

This guy didn’t even know where to buy crack, he was so incompetent. He just went around to random homeless people to buy crack from them.

“If we had a media that was fair — even just reasonable — this would be the biggest story for years and years,” Trump said. “Then you’d be entitled to real Pulitzer Prizes, not the fake committee that gives away these fake awards.”

Literal fake awards.

It’s a disgrace.

The Pulitzer Prize might as well just be a porno film of a bunch of Jews jacking each other off – I can tell you that much.

If Trump hits Biden on his son, brings up that he smokes crack, brings up that he’s a criminal involved in all these outrageous scandals, he can knock Biden’s block off.

Biden has already shown that he’ll freak the heck out if you mention his son. We need him to be driven off the edge. The man is senile and belligerent – totally confused.

He gets mad.

At various times when Biden is talking, Trump needs to interrupt him by just saying, “Jooooooooooooe. Jooooooooooe. What are you doing over there, Joe? You feeling alright? You wanna take a break and lie down for a few minutes, pal?” then look at the audience and say, “he’s fading. Not sure if he’s still with us.”

Trump should also mock Biden’s dead son somehow. But tastefully. Maybe something like, “I’ll bet you wish the other one would have died instead, huh Joe?”

Or maybe not the dead son.

Perhaps his dead wife? 

He could imply she was drunk when she died in that car crash in the 70s.

He can look at the audience and say, “Joe doesn’t want you to know this, but his dead wife was a drunk and a really lousy driver.”

Or – here’s a good one – he can imply Biden cut her brakes.

Here’s another idea: after he blasts him on his crackhead scammer son, he can say: “Oh but don’t worry – I’m sure he’ll be dead soon, like everyone else in your family,” then turn to Chris Wallace and say, “why don’t you ask him why so many of his family members are dead, Chris? But you don’t want to do that, do you?”

That’s pretty much the perfect way to imply Biden is having his family members killed.

There is no indication that Joe Biden did have his family members killed, and it is more likely that he is cursed. However, as we’ve observed, dumb bullshit that someone just made up without really even thinking very much about it is much easier for the public to believe than factual information which is obviously true.

I’ve already made all the boomer memes we’re going to need. My boomers are waiting in the wings ready to believe this bullshit and get really upset about it.

It’s basically unbelievable how corrupt Joe Biden actually is. His son was wired millions of dollars by a corrupt Russian billionaire and no one ever explained what the money was for.

It’s so corrupt that no one could believe it is actually real, so it is better to make up ridiculous fake bullshit.

Trump should demand that when he walks on stage, the speakers blast AC/DC’s “Back in Black.”

Then when the music fades out he can say, “black lives matter. That’s what Joe thinks. Why don’t you tell us about your blacks who are rioting and burning everything, Joe?”

Oh but seriously: When Biden starts talking about how he paid more taxes…

… Trump needs to say, “well, I didn’t have millions coming in from criminal gangs in Eastern Europe, okay?”

Honestly, I can’t believe they have been running “JOE BIDEN PAID $5.2 MILLION IN TAXES IN ONE YEAR!!!” all day today.

To pay that much in federal income taxes, you have to have made more than $20 million. Joe Biden is a career politician, and in 2017 he was retired. Why was he making this much money? Where was it coming from?

Is he a real estate tycoon?

Did he write a spy novel that was optioned by Warner Bros?

Did he invent the High Performance Personal Air Purifier, sold only at Sharper Image?

Joe Biden paying $5.2 million in taxes is so much more scandalous than Trump writing off losses in the year he became president of America. Furthermore, Trump says these records are fake – Biden admits that he paid this amount.