January 26, 2020
As Bernie Sanders rises and we look forward to the Red Dawn in America, many Americans find themselves asking “why should I join communism?”
The short answer to this is obviously “you won’t have a choice.”
However, if we want to give a longer answer, we can look at the absolute benefits of living under completely brutal communism.
Here are some examples of good things that will happen under communism:
- Tens of millions of people will die
- You will not have to work
- You will be given free college
- You will be given free credits to your Steam account
- You will be given free gym memberships
- You will be given free housing
- You will be given free medical coverage
- You will be given free everything
- You will no longer have to deal with the stress of voting
- You will be collectivized into college dorms
When you realize this, you understand that this comes down to a numbers game where you have to ask yourself: “do I want to work and pay for things or do I want to be given free everything for doing nothing while millions die of starvation?”
For me, the answer is clear: I want free everything and I also want millions of people to die.
People will then ask: “where will all of the money come from to pay for all of this?”
Well, it’s very simple: rich people will have their money taken from them and it will be given to everyone else so they don’t have to work and can just go to college all day for the rest of their lives, getting many, many, many Ph.D degrees.
Of course, once the money is taken from the rich and spent on free college and free everything else, it will eventually run out. But the solution to running out of money under communism is equally simple: you just print more money.
Yes, this causes inflation, but the thing about inflation is that it is easily solved by simply printing more money.
We’ll put Elvis Presley on the 1 million dollar bill.
Donald Trump on the 4 billion dollar bill.
And Abe Lincoln on the 1 trillion dollar bill.
People who claim “inflation causes financial crises” simply don’t understand math. You see, there is no “ultimate number.” You can just keep printing and printing money. In communism, the only bottleneck on your economy is how fast your money machines can print the cash.
The best thing you can do to have a better understanding of communism is watch this video released by the Bernie Sanders campaign on how the economy works under it:
But even if you don’t understand communism, really all that you need to understand is this: under communism, you don’t have any choice. In communism, if you don’t like communism, you have to go to a gulag.
So the only real option you have is to shut up and accept that you now live in communism and sign up for a free college degree.
All we’re going to really be doing is throwing large parties and harassing liberals, a la the award-winning classic film PCU.
Remember that we’re also going to be giving the preppies a run for their money when they try to cancel our rock n’ roll parties.
For any of the surviving boomers – if any boomers survive collectivization, and they probably will not – it’s going to be like the award-winning classic film “Back to School.”
It doesn’t matter what grades you get in college because you’re never going to work anyway. If you fail, you can just keep redoing the classes for the rest of your life.
That’s truly the glory of communism.