May 4, 2016
In early 2014, I began to notice a shift in Donald Trump’s rhetorical style. He had honed his polemic to a razor’s edge, and the style was very much like seasoned BBS exchanges. He’d clearly done extensive multivariate testing and choice modeling to come up with a framework that fit the medium. He seemed to be making an explicit effort to comment on subjects of serious political relevance and test market segments. His efforts had the flair of someone with a seasoned understanding of politics and rhetoric. As the world’s foremost Internet troll, I took a moment to remark about the efficacy of his trolling techniques in hopes that my colleagues would study them:
I think @realDonaldTrump is one of the most effective trolls on Twitter.
— Andrew Auernheimer (@rabite) April 19, 2014
We began discussing the finer points of Donald’s technique in a chat room dedicated to Internet trolling. As we watched him work, the thoughts of everyone turned towards a run for political office. What office might Donald be aiming for? The governor of New York? Then someone posted a video of the White House Correspondent’s Dinner from 2011, where Seth Meyers ridiculed Donald Trump’s dream of the Presidency:
The look on his face showed us everything we needed to know: stormclouds behind his cold rage. It was at this moment that Trump was seized by Wotan. We knew he was going to run and he was going to win. Deeper than that, we knew he was going to wreck all the people that laughed in the face of his dreams. When we saw this, we too were seized by Wotan. Thus, in June of 2014, a full year before Donald Trump had even announced his campaign, before any worthless establishment pundits made their calls, scores of Internet trolls swore their votes to Donald in 2016.
— Andrew Auernheimer (@rabite) June 17, 2014
We had a year’s advance notice to craft rhetoric and memes. Donald’s candidacy hit the Internet like a bolt from Mjölnir. As mobs of furious commentators swarmed around him he was greater than a mere man, he was undeniably a manifestation of the Woðanaz. It became impossible to not compare and contrast quotes from supporters at rallies:
“The Republican electorate is not a bunch of completely ignorant fools.”
“We know who Donald Trump is,” he added, “and we’re going to use Donald Trump to either take over the G.O.P. or blow it up.”
With those from Carl Gustav Jung on his classic essay on Wotan:
He is a fundamental attribute of the German psyche, an irrational psychic factor which acts on the high pressure of civilization like a cyclone and blows it away. Despite their crankiness, the Wotan-worshippers seem to have judged things more correctly than the worshippers of reason.
As victories stacked and the psychological breakdowns of the pundit caste became too numerous to count, we broke into revelry. Wotan was here. Trump bulldozed everything on his path. Glenn Beck is dipping his face into cheetos, and Ben Shapiro is having a full fledged mental breakdown. No political event has ever been this sweet, and it’s just the primaries.
There’s no US embassy here, so I’ll be sailing across two seas to cast an absentee ballot in the general because I honor my promises. I don’t know if Donald Trump will be able to help us in the presidency, and frankly I don’t care. I know that once the spirit of Wotan awakes in a people it becomes impossible to contain. Such an event heralds a time of great strife and war, in which a people on the brink of destruction rise to destroy their enemies in turn. We will serve as Gungnir for Trump as long as he desires to impale his enemies. If he ceases to wield it, another will be crowned Allfather. As it stands, he’s already done us an immense number of favors any one of which would exceed the magnitude of that from any political actor of days past.
As Trump’s once-ridiculed dreams transform from fevered visions to shadows upon the ruined landscape of Weimerica, we use that darkness to attack our mutual enemies. Now is the time to lean hard on everyone #NeverTrump. There is no method of ruin too rude or personal to destroy these people. We bombard their employers with hateposting. We show up at the doors of their homes to call them cucks and traitors to their faces. We do whatever is necessary to run these people out of town and make sure they never try to slink back. We must leverage every second we have before the general election to purify the political establishment of rotten Marxists and those that would bow before them.
Because this is the way the cucks end.
This is the way the cucks end.
This is the way the cucks end.
Not with a bang
But a shitpost.