Unfortunately, There was No Hostage Situation at Ubisoft – It was a Hoax

On Friday, it was announced on the internet that there was a hostage situation at the headquarters of game company Ubisoft in Montreal, Canada.

Many people were hoping that the Gamer Uprising had begun, and that many or all of the company’s female, homosexual and brown-skinned employees would be slaughtered like Danish mink.

Ubisoft is the single worst destroyer of the gaming industry, and is even worse than Activision. The creators of the Assassin’s Creed series, the Ubisoft team is obsessed with forcing players to engage in actual gay anal sex. The series’ most recent entry, Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, released earlier this month, features vikings casually doing gay anal on each other.

When the hostage crisis was announced on Friday, many believed that someone had been playing this game, was forced by the game to do gay anal, and then totally snapped, rushing the Ubisoft headquarters and preparing an absolute reckoning.

I’m opposed to violence and so on, but seeing these ruiners of the gaming industry get the Danish mink treatment would have been very satisfying.

Unfortunately, it has been revealed that there was no hostage situation at Ubisoft; it was some kind of hoax.

According to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, someone called 911 and dozens of police officers were sent out, many in full battle-rattle. They arrived outside of one of the buildings used by Mile End Ubisoft in the central Plateau-Mont-Royal borough of Montreal, and set up a bunch of road blocks.

Apparently, the cowards of Ubisoft barricaded themselves on the roof after the cops showed up. That is to say, although there was no threat, they assumed there was a threat because the police showed up in response to a prank 911 call.

The police evacuated the building, but no threat was found.

The CBC states that the specifics of the hoax remain unclear. But it was obviously just a typical swatting. Presumably, the person who called 911 hoped that the cops would rush into the building and start shooting Ubisoft employees.

Presumably, the prank 911 call was indeed made by someone who was playing Valhalla, was forced to do gay anal for the nth time, and lost their marbles.

More than one person on Twitter wished death upon the people who made jokes about the staff of Ubisoft being slaughtered while the hostage crisis was believed to be real.

What would be better than wishing death upon those who wish death upon Ubisoft employees would be to reflect on why, when people hear about a hostage situation at this gaming company’s headquarters, they start cheering.

Many of those complaining about how so many people want to see the staff of Ubisoft slaughtered were instead openly insulting gamers.

If you hate gamers and hate gamer culture, then why are you involved in gaming? Is it some kind of fixation with forcing the last remaining white male heterosexual subculture in the West to engage in gay anal ramming in a virtual world?

If that is what you’ve devoted your life to, then okay – but are you actually in a position to complain about people wanting to see you murdered?

Look at this picture of the Ubisoft team:

I challenge any of these people complaining about jokes about them dying to put up a poll on Twitter, featuring this picture, and ask: “how would you feel if a hardcore incel gamer unloaded an AR-15 into this group of people while screaming ‘we live in a society’?”

No one is going to put that poll up, because they know the number one answer would be “childlike glee.”

The Gaming Industry Isn’t Dead

There are a lot of complaints these days about video games, primarily due to companies such as Ubisoft being taken over completely by stupid and useless fat women.

However, it is my view that people who complain a lot about the gaming industry are just negative people. There are a lot of really great games out and coming out right now, they just aren’t made by Ubisoft.

There are many, many smaller studios making great games.

I don’t have a lot of time to play games, as I work constantly and have to devote most of the rest of my time to working out or dealing with personal relationships. However, I do like to have a game at my desk that I can pick up during work hours.

I was recently gifted Desperados 3, and the game is great.

Someone also bought me Cuphead, a homage to classic platform shooters done in a 1940s cartoon style, and it is truly a beautiful game. There is no gay anal in it, and it contains some of the best art I’ve seen in any medium in the last decade.

I also got Octopath Traveler, a new JRPG done in the style of classic SNES JRPGs. I’m not sure I will ever have time for it, but I hope I do.

Last year, my go-to “work break game” was Tropico 6, which filled my breaks (and more than one day I stayed late at the office despite the fact that work was done) for the better part of a year.

Furthermore, the recently released Wasteland 3 – which I made time for – was possibly the single greatest game ever made. I’ve also had a lot of fun with Baldur’s Gate 3 early access (despite the black druid, which yes, came close to killing the game).

Frankly, I don’t know what kind of games the people complaining about games being bad are used to playing. Mass Effect was always kind of a bad game even before it was taken over by women and Pakistani social justice warriors. Most of these shooters are just mindless garbage and I don’t understand how people just keep doing the same thing over and over, but if they want to do that, why don’t they just play CSGO?

I feel like if I said: “I’m going to fill every waking hour of the rest of my life with video games,” there are currently enough good games on the market right now that I could do that without ever getting bored.

When I flip through the Steam store it feels a little bit like Gamergate actually won, even though we never got Donald Trump to tweet about it. Yes, the big companies are still horrible, but everyone is putting their money into games produced by smaller studios and these studios are delivering bigly.

There are a lot of things in the world to be really negative about, but when I see someone being negative about the current state of video games, I just assume I am dealing with a negative person.

By the Way

I am strictly pro-gamer and I believe in gamer pride.

I know that while most of the right-wing is made up of Aryan Gamers, there are some people that will say, “oh, what a waste of time!” These people are in fact primarily internet liars, who probably watch those sports shows where Africans throw balls at one another.

Maybe some of these anti-gamers literally spend every waking hour either working, lifting weights or listening to classical music, but I seriously doubt it. The haughty and holier-than-thou way that the anti-gamers speak denotes them as absolute plebs. Truly aristocratic individuals understand that self-righteous condescension is among the lowest conceivable character traits.

Various forms of entertainment have always been a part of the human experience, and video games are not any different than reading novels, in that you are sitting alone entertaining yourself.

Yes, video games can be addictive, but for most people that isn’t a problem. We all need downtime.

My advice is this: don’t ever sit down to play a game until your work is finished and you’ve been to the gym. (Unless you have break games like I do, in which case, don’t let the breaks last for more than 15 minutes.)

I often phrase it this way: our stresses are now more complex than ever, so we require more complex stress relief. The escapism of video games is a fine way to get that relief, and games are much more engaging than the ball-oriented sports shows that these boomers who are anti-gamer have spent their meaningless lives watching.