Ultra-Moral Amazon.com Bans Washington Redskins Merchandise

The embodiment of pure evil.

During the coronavirus lockdown, while you were losing your business and your house and your marriage was falling apart, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos increased his wealth from $115 billion to $155 billion.

You might be thinking, “what with the fact that this man got rich off of running small businesses out of business, then got even richer during a manufactured crisis that appears designed to wipe out remaining small businesses, maybe he could do something to help out the people?”

Well, Jeff Bezos has heard your cries. He’s heard them loud and clear. And he is doing something truly profound to help out Americans. Something that is truly more than any of us ever could have asked for. Something that humbles us all before his moral superiority, and reminded everyone that he deserved all that money because he is just such a good person.


Amazon is removing Washington Redskins merchandise from its site, after the NFL called on the team to change its name, widely considered a racial slur against Native Americans.

In a note to sellers on Wednesday, Amazon said that it would pull a variety of products featuring the Washington team, including jerseys, t-shirts and jewelry. Sellers were given 48 hours to review and remove any products flagged by Amazon, the notice states.

An Amazon spokesperson confirmed the company is removing Redskins merchandise.

“With the announcement from the Washington team and the NFL, we are removing products with the team’s name and logo from our stores,” according to the notice, which was shared by Ed Rosenberg, who runs an online seller group called ASGTG. “Failure to properly close or delete all restricted product listings from your inventory may result in deactivation.”

America doesn’t deserve a hero as good and as moral as Jeff Bezos.

Truly, he is like a god that walks among us. I expect that if you were to ever lay eyes upon him, his holy glow would heal whatever diseases you may have.

In fact, that could well be the solution to coronavirus – just tell everyone to stare at an image of Jeff Bezos’ glowing face, and focus on the depths of his great morality.