Toon Tuesday: Crazy Larry’s Manic Memes Wholesale Clearance!

We literally have so many memes, I don’t even know what to do with them.

Did you guys have local furniture or stereo salesmen who called themselves something like “Crazy Larry” who would do commercials about how they were insane for selling things at these low prices?

Like I remember there being more than one of these guys in Ohio, so I think it was some bit that people did across the country.

But in the commercials, Crazy Larry would be like “I must be crazy to be selling these real leather sofas for $80 – I’m losing money on this! They’re going to lock me up in an asylum! Then at the end of the commercial, Larry would be running from health professionals, and saying like “hurry! They’re gonna catch me eventually!”

I can’t tell you how much local businesspeople acting in their own TV commercials now means to me, since the country I grew up in has been destroyed so utterly.

Here is a 15-minute collection of Columbus TV commercials from 1995, when I was 10.

Now only one thing happens in Columbus: black people shoot each other.

This is from last night:

Here’s one of those “driving through the vibrant neighborhoods” videos.

Why on earth would anyone do this to such a lovely little city?

Better question: why on earth would anyone stand by while Jews were doing this to such a lovely little city?

I guess it’s a moot point at this point.

Anyway, yeah – with memes, I’m like Crazy Larry with his $80 leather sofas. They’re going to lock me up for having too many good memes.

Ever since I came back to Meme Monday – as the result of a strange event – I’ve been literally overloaded with memes, and people just eat it up.

I’ve got so much site traffic, I’m just redirecting people to other websites, because I literally don’t know what to do with all these clicks.

But you can’t post 600 memes in one Meme Monday, and I literally didn’t want to cut anything I posted yesterday.

I was going to save these for halfway from Monday, but I just wrote an 8,000-word essay about the history of globalism, China, and America’s unstable elite that no one is really going to be very happy about discovering, and I need some other content.

I literally typed that whole thing out in one go. Wow. What a waste of time.

But I’m really good at this meme game, man. I’m good at making them (underrated), and I’m good at collecting them. People don’t even understand that the order matters, and the different styles. You gotta mix in that boomer stuff. A meme collection with no boomer memes is like a taco with no salsa. Then you gotta have some that just legit are not funny, and some that do not make sense. And no cringe.

I put as many cringe memes in my meme collections as I put fat chicks in my trunk*: zero.

*”Trunk” is what we in America call your “boots,” my British lads. Trunk makes more sense, verbally. But then of course you call trucks “lorries,” which is the name of someone’s mom at the baseball game. You lads probably should have just left the English language to America and kept speaking Gaelic or whatever. I heard Boris Johnson yesterday and it was like he had a mouth full of marbles. Couldn’t understand a word of it. I was like man ditch the sign languager and get someone to translate this into legible English. Honestly, of all the things I hate in 2021, having sign languagers on everything is number one.

I used to always have someone else do Memetic Monday. I think I invented it, then stopped, and someone contacted me and told me they wanted to do it. Then Ragnar was doing it. Then he quit and I tried it again and it was terrible. Then Joe started and then he had bad internet because he had to live in a barn. Then I tried again and failed. Then someone else contacted me last month and said he wanted to do it, but after the first week it didn’t work out, and I was like “I’m giving it another go.”

Pure magic, smooth sailing all the way. I got this supplier run by a guy named Norman, he is virtually giving these memes away.

Still can’t believe I wrote that China article, and now still have to write ten more articles. Why would I do that?

The Biden-Cruz one was okay. People will either like that one or they won’t, but I read it and I think it’s funny. The Tom Cotton one was literally retarded and gay. Shouldn’t even have published it. Embarrassing. This one I’m sitting here writing right now is the worst thing in days. What even is this? People are going to think I’m drunk but I’m just barely even tipsy. I’m not really even buzzed, honestly. It’s just that you can’t keep 100% consistency, working like this. Can’t do it, folks. We can’t do it.

But there are off days and on days, good and the bad, and I don’t know, people keep reading it. So whatever. I’m just doing what I can.

I will say that it would have been funny if when I was writing that 8,000-word China thing I would have marked which drink I was on at the start of each section. Anyway, I don’t think that is garbage. Not until the third act. It will just need to be rewritten. It’s important that someone say it. I remember back in like May the NYT published an op-ed that was like “if Biden keeps doing this Taiwan thing, it could start a nuclear war.” And then I remembered that the NYT op-ed section is not the news and the only people who read it are me and international Jews who write op-eds to each other. I’ve seen nothing else taking the issue seriously, anywhere – someone has to say this.

When Norm MacDonald died after being blacklisted and totally prevented from performing his art on any meaningful scale before he hit 40 it hit me in the feels. I’m sad about the whole censorship thing still, but it ultimately doesn’t change my life much. I still just sit here typing. Sipping coffee, chugging vodka. Got a home gym now, and it creates this weird thing where you can chop up your workout if you want, because it’s like it’s already right there. I can rest for an hour and come back.

Anyway, these are the wholesale memes that I’m literally giving away. I’m off to sleep for three hours then wake up and write ten articles about how the coronavirus is a hoax. I’m skipping leg day.

These are copyrighted, so don’t noneaya try to save nonea em, ya hear?

I’ve got the Sandy Hook lawyers that just won against Jones on speed dial, okay? This guy, Bill something, sent me an email asking me if I wanted to sue anyone, and I said I would have to think about it. Fifteen minutes later, he sent me another email and was like “did you think of anyone yet?”

So I called the guy up and was like “who do you think I should sue?” and he listed off some pretty good ideas I won’t repeat. But then this guy starts going into “oh you know, my son had cancer and just died.” So I’m like “oh yeah?” and he’s like “yeah, yeah.”

Honestly, I don’t believe him. Just didn’t really sound very true. And when he was telling me about his son’s funeral, he started laughing. Honestly, I don’t even know if he’s a lawyer at all. I think he could be some kind of actor hired to make this whole Sandy Hoax thing really emotional, just to nail Alex Jones.

So I called up Jim Fetzer and I was like “what do you think of this guy, the lawyer that sued Jones?” and he’s like “lawyer? The guy’s an actor. He doesn’t even have a son. I’ve got video of him having gay sex. He’s a gay actor. I’m working on a book about it right now.”

Credit to Pomidor for these ones. I almost deleted the first one, because I was like “bro everyone on the whole entire earth who has been on the internet in the last 7 years has seen that meme.” But then I was like “but doesn’t that make it even funnier tho?”

Pomidor should collect Spanish memes and I’ll call it “El Tuesday De La Muchos Memeo Grande.” Actually I think he might be Portuguese.

Great guy, Pomidor. He wrote one of the top articles – Why Does Jordan Peterson Think He’s a Father Figure When His Daughter is a Huge Slut?

He got frustrated a while back because I didn’t publish some of his articles or over edited them and I was like “can we get some more Peterson related content?” I don’t know if he saw the message. We use a messaging app that doesn’t really work.

I have no idea what country any of the Hoax Watch staff is from.

Also: Wormwood is literally as good as Stone Toss and truly doesn’t get the credit he deserves. A. Wyatt Mann is still the best memester of all time though.