This Guy Can’t Marry His Laptop Because… It Would Undermine the Sanctity of Gay Marriage

Adrian Sol
Daily Stormer
September 10, 2017

This is America, and we have a sacred right to marry our laptops. These homo haters need to get with the times!

America’s back is creaking under the weight of these quaint, tradition-minded homosexuals holding back social progress. Their minds are still imbued with old-school notions, such as that marriage is a sacred union between a man and another man’s butthole. It’s time to move into the 21st century, bigots.

If a man wants to marry a laptop, or a dog, then how is that any different from having non-stop anal intercourse? No children or family can result from either. So it’s all the same – the only important thing is that it makes people happy.

The notion that people marrying who they love would somehow delegitimize the institution of gay marriage is a paranoid delusion these regressives have dreamed up out of nowhere.

Huffington Post:

A notorious opponent of same-sex marriage is suing the state of Alabama to recognize his union with a 2011 MacBook.

Chris Sevier claims that he married his computer in New Mexico a while back. He filed a federal lawsuit in the Northern District of Alabama on Aug. 31 demanding that the state either recognize that alleged marriage to what he calls “an object … with female like features” or issue him a new license to wed the computer, according to

Laptop marriage is already legal in New Mexico? I’m not surprised.

Who else but robotic Mexicans would be so forward-thinking?

Although he describes his sexual orientation as “machinist” in the suit, Sevier’s goal here is not true bliss with his laptop. What the suit is ultimately seeking is the overturn of the Supreme Court’s decision to legalize same-sex marriage nationwide. And Sevier has tried this strategy before.

The Alabama complaint states:

Defendant [Blount County Probate Judge Chris] Green issues marriage licenses to individuals who self-identify as homosexual, but he refuses to issue marriage licenses to zoophiles, machinists, and polygamists on a basis that can only be described as procedurally arbitrary.

I agree.

If you’re not going to associate marriage with starting a family, then limiting it to only homosexuals is completely arbitrary. If marriage is just about “feeling good” and “getting government benefits,” then why shouldn’t people be able to marry their turtle or desk lamp? You’re discriminating against people on the basis of their perversions.

Love is love, bigots!

No, but seriously, the fact that the faggots are now forced to protect the “sanctity” of the gay marriage institution against people mocking them is pretty hilarious.

What’s less hilarious is that in 50 years, bronies will be defending the sanctity of horse-marriage against those who want to marry their imaginary friends.

Ok, so that’s still hilarious. But you get my point.

If we don’t put an end to this madness, there’s no point at which it’s going to stop by itself and remain at a “tolerable” level of degeneracy. There’s no bottom to this barrel.