March 30, 2020
Everyone knows that Ted Cruz is not hip to modern Twitter language. He probably doesn’t watch anything other than snuff films and David Carradine kung-fu workout tapes while choking himself and masturbating.
But we get this tweet:
Me: *Running out of things to keep me entertained during quarantine*
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) March 28, 2020
And the Republican media goes crazy about how clever and cute old Teddie Boy is.
Well, he has people that he pays to make him look cute on the internet, because he is that much of a fake and a weirdo with no ability to pretend he is a human from earth.
Ted is in quarantine for the Coronavirus, hence the joke about how he is bored and watching Netflix.
Although we’re all quarantined now, aren’t we?
This is what Democracy is: “Sure, I can visually see with my eyes that Ted Cruz is an evil otherworldly skinwalker, but he posted a cute tweet I like.” People are this stupid and weird.
His entire feed is filled with “hey, I’m just a human, hanging out on earth, doing human stuff like all you other humans.”
Even as a teenager, Kobe dominated. https://t.co/GnAkRWCTd1
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) March 29, 2020
It is all posted by someone hired to manage his image. It’s called “relatability,” and it’s a multibillion dollar industry that I myself would be dominating like a teenage Kobe Bryant if I wasn’t being punished by God and forced to write this website with no money explaining the most basic facts of reality in a world where reality is inverted.
I wish I could just have the entire text of the site be “it’s whatever the opposite of what they told you.”
Every day, I have to get on here and type it all out for 14 hours a day.