You’re in the weird zone, and the weird zone is a world of endless spirals.
The latest weirdness is this.
The pandemic has affected nearly every facet of daily life and the Super Bowl is no exception.
The yearly game to settle who is the champion of the NFL is this Sunday. The game, along with its accompanying hype and parties, comes just as health officials are begging Americans to hunker down to help stop the spread of new strains of the coronavirus.
So the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has some tips on how to safely navigate Super Bowl Sunday. Their top piece of advice is — not surprisingly — to watch the game at home with the people you live with.
“Attending large gatherings including the Super Bowl increases your risk of getting and spreading COVID-19,” according to the guidance posted on the CDC’s website.
If you insist on having a small watch party, the CDC says you should host it outdoors and make sure everyone has a mask. The guidance recommends limiting alcohol consumption because alcohol may make you less likely to follow Covid-19 safety measures.
Alcohol reduces fear. And you need to remain in a constant state of terror. It’s the only way to be safe.
“Use a projector screen to broadcast the game. Sit at least 6 feet away from people you don’t live with,” the CDC says.
Avoid chanting or cheering, as both can hurl viral particles into the air. “Stomp, clap, or bring hand-held noisemakers instead,” the CDC says.
There you go.
If you cheer, you will spread the deadly virus, and kill everyone. That is to say, if you have the virus, and you infect someone with it, there is a 0.3% chance they will die.
It’s basically murder to cheer at the Super Bowl.
Instead, you’re going to need to stomp.
I’m anti-anti-sports, in that I think right-wingers who whine about sports all the time and tell people to never watch sports are anti-fun and anti-social.
However, that said: I do not personally watch this garbage.
I am going to watch some highlights from this though, as I want to see this stomping and noisemaker thing.
Sadly, this will probably be the last Super Bowl held with an audience. You’re all seeing the way this is getting more and more extreme, each week.
This time next year, it is going to be so nuts, there is zero chance they’ll let you gather in a stadium at all.