December 27, 2018
A typical British man [STOCK PHOTO].
As is typical of the British, another guy fell off another boat.
Imagine falling off of a boat that size.
Imagine falling off of anything high-up, in fact.
Why would you do that?
How does it happen?
Lots of people have high-up balconies on which they have drinks regularly. People get drunk at the now globally ubiquitous annoying and gay trendy rooftop bars. People are not falling off of these things. Not even the Australians fall off roofs.
But somehow, every single week I hear of some British tosser falling off a cruise ship.
A 20-year-old British cruise ship entertainer is missing after going overboard on Christmas Day, operator Royal Caribbean has said.
The US Coast Guard said it was searching for Arron Hough, who went missing from the Harmony of the Seas.
The vessel was 267 miles northwest of Aguadilla, Puerto Rico, at the time.
Mr Hough’s talent agency Russell Smith Associates tweeted that it was shocked and saddened by the news concerning the graduate of London’s Urdang Academy.
The college tweeted that staff were praying for Mr Hough and his family.
A Royal Caribbean spokesman confirmed a member of the entertainment team had not reported to work as scheduled on Tuesday, with the ship en route to Philipsburg, St Maarten.
“We are saddened to report that after a review of the ship’s closed-circuit camera footage, he was observed entering an area on Deck 5 at around 4am and was not seen again,” the spokesman said.
OH MY GOD I CANNAE BELIEVE IT LADDIE.
Except that I can believe it, because it happens every week.
This problem is so big now that Australians – while not themselves being stupid enough to fall off a boat – are brilliantly exploiting the phenomenon to kill their wives.
In reality, it may be that most of the British cases are also murders.
Also, Aaron Hough might have killed his own self because he is a fit lad with a fat lass.
Be handsome and fit, they said.
Get a striped shirt they said.
Be an entertainer they said.
Then you’ll finally get a nonfat girl they said.
She won’t look like an overweight version of the xenomorph from Alien they said.
She won’t fuck your friends they said.
Imagine finding out that it was all a lie.
I’d be exiting deck five too if I had that beached whale on my ship.
He was just in Puerto Rico, probably saw some spicy latinx.
And then looked at the xenomorph face.
And the sagging gut and waterbed thighs.
And was like “yo, if this is the level that the white man has sunken to, I’m out.”
I want to be clear that I am blaming all white women for all white male suicides.