March 28, 2018
No wonder Elon Musk is so screwed up.
Errol Musk, the estranged dad of billionaire tech genius Elon Musk, recently fathered a child with his stepdaughter.
Musk, 72, married Heide Bezuidenhout decades ago, when Heide’s daughter Jana was just 4 years old. Musk and Bezuidenhout had two more children together and divorced after 18 years.
Now we know why Elon Musk is desperate to leave Earth and go to Mars.
TESLA tycoon Elon Musk’s dad has claimed fathering a baby with his own step-daughter was a “one-off mistake” when he was her shoulder to cry on.
Errol, 72, from Cape Town, South Africa, was accused of “splitting the family” after it was revealed his sixth child, Elliot Rush, was conceived “in the heat of the moment”.
“Everybody chill! We only did it once!”
Like father, like son — Elon’s dad was unsuccessful at achieving re-entry!
Elon, 46, has spoken candidly in the past about his estrangement from his father. “He was such a terrible human being. You have no idea,” the billionaire entrepreneur told Rolling Stone in November. “My dad will have a carefully thought-out plan of evil. He will plan evil. … Almost every crime you can possibly think of, he has done. Almost every evil thing you could possibly think of, he has done.”
Whoa. Okay, Elon seems to have some very severe daddy issues.
It’s very possible that his entire career of spectacular public failures may merely be a way to scream “I HATE YOU, DADDY!”
Our tax dollars may be funding a crazy billionaire man-child’s ongoing temper-tantrum to get back at dad.
I mean, all this kid does is blow-up his model rocket collection and throw his toy cars into space.
That is, when he’s not setting them on fire and burning people alive.
The most impressive thing Elon Musk has invented is a vehicle that burns so perfectly, firemen can’t figure a way to put it out.
Here, try this software update. It might keep our car from burning your entire family to death. The software is in Beta tho… so fingers crossed lol.
“What do you think of these headlines, dad? Do I have your attention yet?”
Elon even publicly released a video compilation of him blowing up his rocket-set to make sure his dad didn’t miss anything.
Little Elon’s entire career seems to be about setting things on fire.
The freak even mass produces flame-throwers so his followers can set everything else on fire that Elon hasn’t specifically designed to burst into flames themselves.
And yeah, little Elon launched his crappy electric car into space and claimed he was going to carefully send it into orbit around Mars on a precision trajectory.
But the little pyromaniac held down the thruster button for too long and now the rocket is going to completely miss Mars and keep going. Because FUCK YOU, DAD!!!
Here’s the only Tesla car that didn’t spontaneously burst into flames — orbiting the Earth before Elon flung it willy-nilly into deep-space in a fit of autistic rage.
And now, Elon’s dad just gave him a little brother/nephew to totally freak-out about.
Elon is said to have gone “berserk” when he found out his South African engineer dad was having a child with Jana Bezuidenhout, who lived with him while growing up.
Hol up. Let’s see what this Jana chick looks like.
Hmmm. Not bad.
So, let’s speculate about why little Elon went “berserk” at dad — and why a lot more toys are probably about to be set on fire.
Picture a younger Elon — an awkward geeky dude — shoved together with a hot young chick, who’s not his actual sister, at every family gathering.
Dude was probably crushing hard on this chick.
Always slyly attempting to position himself in the hallway so he could “accidentally” catch her coming out of the bathroom in a towel when they stayed in the same house.
Then, one day his dad is like: “Hey, remember that little hottie you were infatuated with, back when you were a total introverted geek? Well, I banged her and we’re having a kid lol.”
Now, Elon is trying to get back at his dad by dating the most universally-hated whore he could find.
Amber Heard is the psycho-thot who took Johnny Depp to the cleaners after he selflessly attempted to teach her how to be a good, well-behaved wife.
Be careful, dude. If you look at this bitch wrong she’ll take your rockets.
Anyway, we should probably expect little Elon to be blowing up a lot more stuff soon.
Either that or holding his breath until he turns blue in his dad’s driveway.
We really need to keep our eye on this situation.
Otherwise, little Elon is likely to fling our first spaceship full of Mars colonists into the Sun after a contentious Thanksgiving dinner with his father.
Which could be cool if we choose the right colonists.