October 30, 2019
Imagine selling babies and trying to make it sound good. This guy is making used car salesmen look like saints.
In America, elected officials are apparently so poorly paid that they must resort to having all sorts of wacky side jobs to round out their months and make the rent.
One of these officials was recently caught with the embarrassing side job of being a baby salesman. Ooff.
You know this guy was a gamer. He was definitely selling babies in order to round out his Steam library.
That sounds like a terrible job. He must really have been dedicated to his duty to continue serving the public all while he was still having to sell babies to make ends meet.
And yet all these people are trying to get him to quit his position.
An elected official in Arizona was suspended Monday after he was charged with running a human smuggling scheme that brought pregnant women from the Marshall Islands to the U.S. to give birth and then paid them to give up their children for adoption.
The Marshallese (for reference):
He must have worked really hard to make those sales.
Leaders in Arizona’s most populous county suspended Assessor Paul Petersen without pay for 120 days. The Maricopa County Board of Supervisors doesn’t have the power to permanently remove him from his office, which determines the value of properties for tax purposes in Phoenix and its suburbs.
Petersen, who is in federal custody, has so far refused to resign since his arrest on Oct. 8. His lawyer, Kurt Altman, said Petersen will fight to keep the $77,000-a-year job he was last elected to in 2016.
Wait, he was making 77 grand a year?
That’s definitely enough to keep filling your Steam library queue faster than you can clear it up.
Something doesn’t add up.
Was he selling brown babies to boomers in order to fuel his unhinged wife’s online shopping addiction?
Petersen, a Republican, has been indicted in federal court in Arkansas and also charged in Arizona and Utah with crimes that include human smuggling, sale of a child, fraud, forgery and conspiracy to commit money laundering.
The criminal case spans three years and involves some 75 adoptions, authorities said, with about 30 adoptions pending in three states.
Petersen is accused of illegally paying women from the Marshall Islands to have their babies in the United States and give them up for adoption. The women were crammed into homes owned or rented by Petersen, sometimes with little to no prenatal care, court documents say.
Petersen charged families $25,000 to $40,000 per adoption, prosecutors said.
Petersen completed a mission in the Marshall Islands, a collection of atolls and islands in the eastern Pacific, for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He later worked in the islands and the U.S. on behalf of an international adoption agency before going to law school and becoming an adoption attorney.
25 grand, times 75 adoptions… that’s like, almost 2 million dollars.
What is even the point of all that money?
The new Oculus Rift is only, like, $400. Was he some pervert who wanted a full setup with the omni-directional treadmill and the smell-o-vision?
It’s a thing. Look it up.
At this point, it’s hard to even imagine he was selling these babies for some specific, identifiable purpose. Cocaine isn’t that expensive, let alone Steam summer sales.