Sick Pedo Network Nickelodeon Forces Kids to Watch 9 Minute “I Can’t Breathe” Trauma Programming

These sick bastards sure do love abusing kids, I tell you.

You know who also gets off on child abuse?

Literally anyone who makes their kid watch this weird princessy homo garbage, instead of at least just getting them Netflix or something.


Children’s TV network Nickelodeon went silent for nearly nine minutes as a gesture of support for the Black Lives Matter movement. But pushing social-justice rhetoric on such a young audience has rubbed many the wrong way.

The channel, owned by Viacom, stopped its transmission for eight minutes and 46 seconds on Tuesday “in support of justice, equality, and human rights,” presenting children with a black screen on which the phrase “I can’t breathe” faded in and out, timed with audio of a person breathing. That spot was preceded by a promotion scrolling Nickelodeon’s “Declaration of Kids’ Rights” over an orange background and a pledge to “stand in solidarity” with “Black colleagues, creators, partners, and audiences” while condemning racism and violence.

The clip finished by urging viewers to “Join @colorofchange and countless others to call on public officials across the country to take real action,” and included a number to text for more information.

The promotion also aired on MTV, Comedy Central and other Viacom channels, and in Canada, too, for some reason.

Major corporations have pledged their support, and the entertainment industry announced a work stoppage “protest” of its own, called Black Out Tuesday. The commercial is part of Viacom’s participation in the latter.

Look – I’m not telling you that you should have your kid staring at a screen all the time. If you think you should unplug everything, do that. I’m just saying, school’s closed, and a lot of you are going to let that happen no matter what.

So if you’re doing that, your first option is to just get Netflix or something like that, set the age range, manually block anything ugly, and turn on subtitles so the poor little bastard learns to read. If he already reads, set up the account in some foreign language so he learns Spanish or whatever he picks.

Or torrent shows – without breaking copyright laws, of course.

Your other option is to just leave him in front of Nickelodeon, which is a non-stop rainbow crusade meant to turn him gay.

If your kid turns out gay in a few years because you could not be bothered to stop paying your cable bill, don’t call me. I will be busy getting hosed down with freezing water by the military police in my permanently fluorescent-lit concrete cell, and I absolutely will not be able to help you. You will have to deal with that yourself.