March 17, 2018
About damn time we do something about this crime problem.
We’ve got a huge crime problem in America. Minorities are slaughtering our people in the streets, raping our women and dealing drugs that kill our kids. And no one is doing anything about it.
But that’s about to change.
A Michigan candidate for US Senate has proposed arming homeless people with pump-action shotguns in an effort to reduce crime.
Brian Ellison, who is running against Democratic incumbent Debbie Stabenow, says homeless people are “constantly victims of violent crime” and providing them with firearms would provide a deterrent.
This is possibly the best idea I’ve ever heard.
Giving the homeless shotguns has a proven track record of success in tackling both crime and corruption.
It also worked out pretty well against demons in that movie.
We need to build a hobo army.
Hobos are already on the streets 24/7, observing everything that happens. We just need to give them guns and a license to kill criminals and America will be cleaned up in no time.
Ellison, a Libertarian who is expected to be the party’s candidate in the November midterm election, said he had settled on pump-action shotguns for practicality purposes.
You can say that again.
By the way, don’t look at the above GIF unless you’re above 13, please. Just take my word for it that it’s awesome.
“Frankly I think the ideal weapon would be a pistol,” he told the Guardian, “but due to the licensing requirements in the state we’re going to have a hard enough time getting homeless people shotguns as it is.
“Getting them pistols is probably next to impossible. The pistols need to be registered, people have to have addresses.”
Yeah, I mean, I guess a pistol would be okay… As long as it fires shotgun shells.
Law and order – one shell at a time.
Carrying a concealed pistol is illegal without a permit, Ellison said, “whereas open-carrying a long gun is completely legal”.
“So we thought that pump-action shotguns were a suitable alternative to a pistol.”
I like how the whole discussion is about which gun to give to our GLORIOUS HOMELESS ARMY. The whole concept is so self-evident that only implementation details really need to be ironed out.
Ellison, a former soldier who has served in Iraq, said he decided to run for office “just to try and make a difference”. As well as the shotgun plan, he would focus on minority rights and said he would oppose foreign military intervention.
Regarding the pump-action shotguns, Ellison said he and his team would aim to “pre-qualify” homeless people who wanted shotguns and were deemed suitable candidates to own them.
Yeah, you definitely need to pre-qualify these people. After all, some homeless people are part of the “problem” themselves:
No shotgun for you, darkie. The dog can have one though.
This is part of a new wave of politicians, who have real solutions to real problem.
And arming hordes of hobos to sweep the streets, enacting justice for the people, is about the most obvious solution I can think of to make America great again.
If you live in Michigan, you know who you should be voting for.