October 6, 2018
Different nationalities get a pass for different kinds of behavior in my book.
But only if they own it.
That part is key and often overlooked.
See, the French get a pass for licentiousness.
The Italians for over-the-top machismo.
The Germans for humorlessness.
The Swedes for arrogance.
The Irish for having a brawl.
The Finns for being introverted and autistic.
And… drum roll, we come to the Russians.
A story that appears to come straight from a horror movie has unraveled in Russia’s Leningrad region, where a 22-year-old man and his 12-year-old ‘lover’ reportedly killed, dismembered and partially ate their landlord.
This is like something out of a Dostoevsky novel.
Set in St. Petersburg as well.
While authorities have yet to confirm the grisliest details of the bone-chilling crime, what they’ve officially revealed so far is already frightening enough. On Wednesday, the dismembered body of a young man was found at his home in a small village near St. Petersburg. Two suspects were soon caught – a man in his early 20s and his 12-year-old companion, who “took part in the assault”, according to the police statement.
While this is also a Dostoevsky trope… my Moslem alarm is starting to act up. Gonna just go with “Russian” though to make this article work tho. Moving on.
The pair lived in the house with the owner’s permission, but sometime on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning the tenants and the 21-year-old landlord got into a quarrel, which ended with him being stabbed to death, the police believe. The victim’s body was later mutilated, with the investigators currently “checking information that fragments of the killed person’s body had been used as food.”
You gotta hand it to RT. This is the state-sponsored propaganda. And they take it upon themselves to fill the “Russia” section of their page with stories about cannibals and fires and horrific road accidents.
Imagine Radio Free Europe putting up stories of drug-fueled trailer park stabbing sprees or Aztec gang ritual killings on its international coverage of America page.
Solid, solid stuff guys.
It’s almost like RT is taking the Stormer approach to clicks, trying to generate outrage and get people to ironically like Russia because it seems so crazy and 19th-century Lovecraftian horroresque.
Which, is a solid strategy tbh.
However, there is probably only a 2% chance that this is the actual plan here.
Which disappoints me immeasurably. So much wasted potential. Especially when it comes to capitalizing on that horror aesthetic.
In contrast, London did a really good job with that.
They took a mass-murderer story and made people actually want to visit London to get the creepy serial-killer vibe.
(cue jokes about Moslem stabbings in modern London under Khan)
St. Petersburg and Russia in general, could really own that aesthetic even better than London. It’s colder and gloomier and also more old-timey beautiful and also far less diverse.
Just what you need to make the aesthetic work!
And they’ve got their very own cannibal now, which, if they tied that up with the lore of murder in gloomy, depressive St. Petersburg that Dostoevsky has graciously created for them… well, that would be sweet.
Conversely, you could have a city like Moscow just embrace the whole Neon-Soviet aesthetic.
Or perhaps call it Sovietpunk.
Look, high-tech contrasted with low-life. Perfect, just perfect.
I actually have a point somewhere in this meandering post.
And it’s simple: you gotta own what you is.
We neons in the West embraced the infamy and the label. Instead of denying and back-peddling when we were accused of being all the bad things under the sun, we doubled-down and used the tried and true technique of “agree and amplify.”
Russia should do the same.
All this, “we are a liberal democracy with humanitarian values” shit that they’re trying to bleat feebly at the West isn’t really getting it anywhere.
The only people who like Russia in the West like Russia because they treat brown people badly and because of their funny memes.
The Slav-squat meme has done more to humanize and endear Russians to Western youth than any fucking tract written by a uni professor arguing that akshully Russia isn’t so bad.
RT isn’t even that dumb. They already owned the hacker thing.
They just gotta keep doing that.
All I’m suggesting is that they meme St. Petersburg as an aesthetic Lovecraftian horrorshow like 19th century London.
And then possibly meme Moscow as Sovietpunk.
Now that’s a winning aesthetic.
Conversely, they should just hire me as a consultant.
Margarita Simonyan and I used to date in high school, so we go way back.