October 6, 2019
Is America going full 80s? Or just this guy?
What do you need for a good 80s B-series slasher flick?
You need a psycho going around committing murders with a unique weapon. Jason had his machete, Leatherface had his chainsaw.
And very often, these psychos would start off killing randos in the beginning, such as whores and hobos, in order to build up suspense before the protagonist gets involved.
In fact, the hobo-killing scene is pretty much a classic by this point.
The 80s were a better, simpler time. No wonder even killers are looking back at that period with nostalgia.
New York City police say four apparently homeless men were killed in Manhattan by an assailant wielding a three-foot long metal pipe thought to be from a construction site. The attacks were carried out while the victims were asleep.
A fifth person was hospitalized with critical injuries, according to the New York Times, quoting NYPD spokesman Lt. Thomas Antonetti.
Speaking at a press conference Saturday morning, Deputy Chief Inspector Michael Baldassano said a 24-year-old male “person of interest,” who is also homeless, is in custody. He said the attacks appeared to be “random” rather than motivated by race or age.
The Pipe Killer is in town!
Alternative names: Pipe man, the Piper, clubbin’ Ted. Take your pick.
According to the normal plot line, they initially suspect some hobo of being the killer, but while he’s in custody, more murder victims emerge, and the investigation must be started from scratch.
The police have not yet released the names of the victims, or the suspect, who the New York Post reports had 14 past arrests, including an assault charge from earlier this year.
The attacker, who was wearing black pants and a black jacket, was apprehended with a metal pipe suspected to be the weapon used in the attacks.
Baldassano asked the public to call in if they had seen a man fitting this description in the days before the deadly attacks, or if anyone had witnessed similar attacks on homeless people in recent weeks.
The first deadly attack took place around 1:40 a.m. in Manhattan’s Chinatown after first responders were called to a scene with a victim with “severe trauma to the head.”
Police were then called to a scene on the Lower East Side for a victim with a similar head injury, and found two additional victims down the block and a third victim across the street.
It’s a rampage!
This onset of colorful 80s-style murder sprees is really getting my hopes up that America will become more retro in various other ways as well.
For one, I want a god damn Lamborghini Countach.
But seriously, I think the horror flicks of the 70s and 80s represented, in a way, the fears of the people towards an increasingly dystopian future, where the “masked psychos” were stand-ins for the increasingly violent and unpredictable Blacks and other minorities.
It’s just that now, the comically exaggerated fantasy violence of the past has become the daily reality of Americans today.
Presumably, at this rate, the comically exaggerated fantasy violence of today will become our reality in the near future as well.