“An autopsy found that he was decapitated” might be the funniest sentence of the week. Following it up with “they think it’s probably a homicide” makes it all the funnier. My sides left orbit when they confirmed that “decapitation is universally fatal.”
The news has really gotten surreal.
An autopsy has found that a Fort Bragg soldier found dead this summer on North Carolina’s Outer Banks was decapitated. The Raleigh News & Observer reports that Spc. Enrique Roman-Martinez’s death was a homicide, but the cause of death remains undetermined because only his head was available for examination, according to the Division of Forensic Pathology at East Carolina University’s Brody School of Medicine.
“While decapitation is, in and of itself, universally fatal, the remainder of the body in this case was not available for examination, and therefore potential causes of death involving the torso and extremities cannot be excluded,” the report states.
Among the findings: “Evidence of multiple chop injuries of the head” and a jaw broken in at least two places, the report says.
Roman-Martinez was a paratrooper with the 82nd Airborne Division. He was reported missing May 23, while on a Memorial Day weekend camping trip with friends at Cape Lookout National Seashore.
“All he wanted was to do good in his life, so he joined the military,” his sister Griselda Martinez told CBS Los Angeles in August. “And this is what happened to him? We only have a part of him, that’s it. This is not right. This should never have happened to my brother.”
“We only have a part of him” is also a very funny sentence.
Of course, you’ve got the best part – the head!
This Mexican practice of chopping heads off really and truly has enriched our culture. Murder used to be a rather boring affair – shootings, mostly. Now we’ve got decapitations. Exciting!
However, I do wonder if that’s what they meant by “enriching your culture.”
If that is what they meant then I have to say: that’s kinda weird.
Are all these nagging ladies demanding more immigrants actually craving more interesting murder stories?
If so, why don’t they just read the Mexican news? Yes, most of it is in Spanish, but there are at least two major newspapers in Mexico that are in English.