You might not think you have the deadly coronavirus, because you’re not sick.
However, don’t forget: it could be in your poop.
When Rosa Inchausti and her colleagues started testing wastewater in Tempe, Arizona, it was 2018 and they were not looking for coronavirus. They were tracking the opioid epidemic.
But because they were set up to sample the city sector by sector, they were able to switch gears and begin sampling sewage for evidence of coronavirus.
“We were ready for this,” Inchausti told CNN.
Now the city is regularly sampling sewers to keep an eye on the pandemic. And things are not looking good in parts of Tempe.
And they’re not looking good in Boston, or in Reno, Nevada, or in many other cities across the country.
As daily coronavirus counts top 70,000 as measured by standard testing, sewage testing suggests things are going to get a whole lot worse.
“It’s a leading indicator,” Inchausti said. “The proof is in the poop.”
Indeed: the proof is in the poop. That is why everyone must compulsively check their poop for the virus.
As we are struggling with this virus, with so many people dying all the time, Americans have a duty to check their poop for the virus.
It’s hard to check your poop for a virus when it’s in the toilet, and that’s why experts such as Anthony Fauci are recommending that you poop in your sink, and rummage around in your poop to check it for the virus.
If you find anything that looks like this in your poop:
Then I’m sorry to tell you this, but your poop is infested with coronavirus.
“No one needs to go crazy checking the whole load,” said Dr. Fauci. “Just drop a third or one half of your dump in the sink, then dump the rest off in the toilet. If when you’re moving from the sink to the toilet, you drop some poop on the floor, that’s not a big deal, you can just wipe it up. Make sure you really rummage through the poop in the sink. Really dig into that poop, and make sure there isn’t any virus in it. Then, when you’re sure there’s no virus, you can wash it down the sink. ”
Fauci, who is believed to be the smartest and most compassionate man on earth, added: “If you find any particles of the virus in your poop, you need to self-quarantine. That means saying inside for two weeks. If you don’t have enough food in your house for two weeks, you can eat wooden furniture, or gnaw on the drywall.”
Fauci also warned that if your poop has coronavirus in it, you can’t flush it while you’re infected, as it will clog up the entire sewer system. “If you have infected poop, you need to save it in plastic bags,” Fauci explained this week on CNN. “It shouldn’t be much of a hassle, just keep all the poop together, and we’ll eventually send a hazmat team out to collect it.”
“I know that sifting through poop every day is not how you imagined spending your holidays, but this is what we have to do to make sure that we stay safe,” Dr. Fauci continued. “A daily poop check could save the lives of everyone you know.”