March 26, 2020
I’m so bored of nonstop corona news that I feel like I’m going to snap.
It just never ends.
I’ll keep reporting my plague takes, but we all need a little break from this crap.
So I’m right now introducing a new item: Plague Daze. These will be items of important information that do not relate in any way to Coronavirus.
The series will be called “Psycho Freedom,” as it is introducing a brave new form of psychotic freedom. And by that, I mean freedom for your psyche. Or do I…?
I guess you’ll have to stay tuned to find out.
Our first Psycho Freedom item is Joe Pesci’s rap song “A Wise Guy.”
The original music video is banned from YouTube, because Pesci apparently finds it embarrassing. But a lyrics track is still up, mashed over some scenes from either Casino or Goodfellas.
Recorded in 1998, it has a beat and lyrical style that will remind you of standard black rap of that era – Run-DMC and NWA were clearly the inspiration.
Allegedly, Pesci was planning to quit Hollywood altogether and become a rap musician. I will be the first to tell you that my life would be a lot better if he’d done so. He won an Academy Award for Goodfellas, and was nominated for another this year for The Irishman.
But if he’d stuck to rap, he’d be winning something much more important than an Academy Award, which you just know some homo in Hollywood stuck up his butthole the night before it was handed to him: he would have won the hearts and minds of the people.
Imagine if instead of filming The Irishman, which was boring, Pesci had spent 2019 recording a trap album with Gucci Mane.
Gucc ain’t usually fux wif dem New Yawk niggas, but you know he gon make an ception for the Pesh.
That would have brought a lot more joy to a lot more lives than that droning 4-hour conspiracy film, which I had to watch in 39 separate sittings because I kept falling asleep.
Imagine all the blacks out on the street saying, “yeah nigga, you herd dat new Pesci? Shit is dope, nigga, that muthafocka be layin it down.”
More importantly, all the white boys would be able to take pride in their masculinity, having a role model like Joe the Wop to give them confidence in their self-image in a world where all music about sex, drugs and murder is produced by blacks.
I’ve decided to write an alternative history novel based on the premise of a universe where in 1998, Joe Pesci went full on in the rap game and took that shit to the streets.