Pierce Brosnan Frolics in the Sea with His 900-Pound Wife

Michael Byron
Daily Stormer
June 22, 2017

The first time I ever saw Pierce Brosnan’s wife was in 1993, when my parents took me to SeaWorld.

Back then, she was known as “Shamu” and performed water-based tricks for audiences of thousands. Children loved her, adults loved her… even other whales loved her.

I guess Brosnan took a shine to Shamu too, since he married her in 2001 in what became known as the world’s second inter-species marriage.

The first was Robert de Niro’s marriage to Grace Hightower.

In an attempt to hide her oceanic origins, Shamu changed her name to the more human-sounding “Keely Shaye” and even learned to speak English. In fact, she managed to mimic humans perfectly in all areas except for one.

Weight.

No matter how hard she tried, Shaye couldn’t shed the excess 800 pounds of blubber attached to her body. Alas, judging from this recent article about her, she’s become even fatter.

Daily Mail:

They are one of the most solid couples in showbiz.

And Pierce Brosnan and Keely Shaye Smith put on a heart-melting display as they packed on the PDA during their romantic Italian getaway on Tuesday.

The Bond actor, 64, could barely keep his hands off his wife of 16 years, American journalist Keely Shaye Smith, 53.

Dressed in tropical-print swimming trunks, Pierce could be seen enjoying the amenities of their yacht before diving into the crystal waters.

Keely put on a busty display in a black one-piece, with Pierce clearly enamoured by her appearance.

The sweet couple could be seen embracing as the floated around in the cool waves.

And in a display reminiscent of his James Bond character, Pierce gave her bottom a cheeky pat.

Indulging in a further tanning session, the couple soon climbed back onto the boat.

And ever the caring gentleman, Pierce ensured his lady love was dry, patting her off with a towel.

Seriously, though, this is disgusting.

This woman managed to snag a handsome, famous multi-millionaire actor when she was an unknown environmental correspondent for ABC back in the mid-1990s.

Pierce Brosnan was literally James Bond during this time. James freakin’ Bond.

After marrying Brosnan in 2001, there was one thing – one thing – she needed to do to remain attractive and presentable to her husband and the public: not stuff her face with Twinkies every day.

Could she do it?

No; apparently that requires too much self-discipline.

It’s not like Brosnan is a chubby chaser, either. All of his ex-girlfriends were slim and healthy, as was Shaye when they first married. Brosnan has been in shape throughout his adult life too, so I doubt he’s responsible for her eating habits.

Like most Western thots, Shaye clearly decided to just let herself go after securing a good man, and Brosnan probably did the whole “I love you the way you are” nonsense when tabloid journalists inevitably reminded her of her increasing girth.

Don’t tell me that this guy isn’t secretly embarrassed by his wife’s childlike inability to manage her food intake.

Ideally, Brosnan should have included a clause in his prenuptial agreement stating that if his wife became seven pounds heavier than her ideal weight, the marriage becomes null and void and the woman has no claim to his fortune or their children.

In fact, all White men who want to get married should do this.

It’s essentially a biological version of a stop-loss, and the prospect of getting divorced due to fatness will shame all married women into remaining human-sized.