January 17, 2020
Ever wondered what freedoms you have that those poor bastards in China are missing out on?
Well… sit down and learn.
It was pouring down with rain at a north London industrial estate when my girlfriend noticed a blue neon light in the distance.
We walked towards it until we found a black door and knocked, but to no answer.
Eventually we pulled it open ourselves and were met by a woman with a shaved head, before I asked her: is this the sex robot party?
She said yes, and pointed me in the direction of one of the most extraordinary nights of my life.
I was told casual wear was banned so I rock up with leather trousers, a vest with a luminous logo on and matching glasses that glow in the dark – all courtesy of a last-minute raid on Camden’s Cyber Dog shop.
A bare-chested, heavily tattooed man with a split leather top greets me to scan our tickets before checking our outfits fall in line with its “sex tech” dress code policy.
I begin by walking around, and notice a series of rules listed on the wall which, most strikingly, includes “no solo w***ing”.
Another tells me this is “not just a sex party, this is a sex tech party” while another insists there be no blood or needles.
PRINCIPLES AND VALUES!!!
A DJ is stood behind high-rise speakers that blurt out a continuous, overpowering stream of heavy techno music that renders conversation close to impossible.
If any strangers are going to have sex with each other tonight it certainly won’t arise from any chat-up lines, I think.
But straight out of the blocks are an intoxicated couple who head in the direction of a dark corner, settling on a bean bag and going about their business without a care.
As well having sex with each other organisers at Raspberry Dream Labs want attendees to “engage with tech entertainment”.
And the main attraction for that is a sex doll from US robotics giant RealDoll, who have spent the past few years developing sex robots they claim are filling the void of real people.
Founder Matt McMullen previously told Daily Star Online he thinks his dolls are as little as five years away from being indistinguishable to people themselves .
It is currently equipping them with 3D vision – so it can recognise you in a crowded room – and promise they can hold conversations with you after storing information from your previous chats.
Making the dolls indistinguishable from real women would probably be a very bad business decision, considering what the average woman is like these days.
This is why there’s a demand for sexbots in the first place
BTW, the parent company of RealDoll is called Abyss Creations, which I think is very fitting.
Tonight’s doll lies on a sofa in the play room, as people inside proceed to touch it, shaping its limbs and turning its head.
The purpose of its twistable body is that it gives potential participants the option of deciding their own sex positions.
Its artificial breasts spill out of a white top to the joy of a group sitting with it, before it’s lifted and carried away into a neighbouring room behind closed doors.
My girlfriend and I are then left in a room next door, as we witness a man wearing a leather skirt and a woman heavily clad in latex with sharp metal spikes lighting a cigarette.
But possibly the most eye-opening event came as we ventured into the next room.
A man, named Joe (not his real name), tells me he does this a lot and looks particularly comfortable dressed in latex.
He leads a woman to a sex toy machine, assisting her as she gets up on a chair and readies herself as Joe crouches down and holds her hand.
What proceeds raises eyebrows around the room, even for a sex party.
The electric sex toy moves, differing in speed, and sat on the other side is a man who appears to be controlling it.
Although I can’t hear, it looks as if she’s gasping into the air in a frenzy of joy – and she’s not the only one.
The couple’s antics are followed by a number of women doing the same thing on the same machine, waiting for a go as if queuing for a theme park ride.
All of which is made even more eye-opening by the couple to my left, who lock one another inside a cage.
Reminder: people 100 years ago thought we’d be colonizing Mars around now…
And that’s never gonna happen, is it?
We’re told the doll didn’t quite get the participation hoped, but that it fascinated attendees none the less, although there were constant requests for people to have their photo with it, and no shortage of people wanting to touch it.
Daily Star Online understands it is the first official sex party to feature a sex doll to be held in London, although they have become a growing trend in recent years.
Sex doll brothels have opened in London before, joining other cities around the world including Barcelona and Turin.
Manufacturers tell us the 2020s will be the decade sex robots make technology advancements only imagined in sci-fi movies.
RealDoll has struck a deal with a number of porn stars to make models based on them, and they are also installing dolls with artificial touch sensors.
They also tell us sex robots will be standing up straight and walking among us this decade too .
Silicone Lovers founder Louie Love tells us he believes his dolls are already unrecognisable to humans at a first glance.
But soon he says he will be making “hyper-realistic” models in a factory that “looks like something out of Westworld” , the hit HBO series depicting a world where people interact with robots.
And if 2019 was the year London welcomed its first sex robot party, who knows what’s next in the 2020s?
I’m trying to get really angry and disgusted about this, but I can’t.
Maybe I’m jaded, but there’s so many far more disgusting things I’ve seen in the past week alone, that this is barely a blip on the radar.
And to be honest, the list of arguments for hecking sexdolls instead of real women is very, very long, and not entirely related to the hecking part.
I bet a piece of plastic filled with jizz would make a better mother than any of these creatures