Outrage Over IKEA’s “Nobody Believes You” Bisexual Couch

When I was a kid, my grandma bought a huge and expensive “sectional couch” that was too big for her living room. She continually referred to it as the “bisexual couch.” I don’t know why, because she wasn’t senile at the time, and the word “bisexual” was not often used then in the 1990s.

It was very funny. Because the couch was too big for the room, creating a crowded feeling, she was constantly trying to figure out what to do with it, or to give it away to various family members. She would always say, with a straight face, “that bisexual couch” and everyone would start laughing and it would take her a minute to realize that she’d said it again.

I don’t remember what she did with it. I think she probably moved parts of it to the basement, and parts of it to other rooms. But it continued to be talked about for years, and for whatever reason, she had it in her head that it was a “bisexual couch.”

Never in my life did I imagine I would see a true bisexual couch. But that thing has indeed been brought into reality as part of IKEA’s line of homosexual couches.

The bisexual couch is by far the funniest of all of the homosexual couches. It features disembodied hands, including ones that seem to pop out, and it reads “no one believes you.”

I really started loling pretty good when I saw that.

Apparently, it is a reference to the fact that no one believes people who say they are bisexual. No one does believe people who say they are bisexual. (Well, maybe all women are “bisexual” to the extent that if they are hurt by men they can become involved with a lesbian woman. And otherwise heterosexual men get into trannies. But the concept of bisexual as it is presented is not real.)

IKEA was accused of trying to destroy the bisexual community.

That tweet is as funny as anything here. I’m just picturing the bisexual community having meetings attempting to figure out how to respond to the “nobody believes you” couch.

But aside from weird sexual behaviors, “nobody believes you” is just such a funny statement for a piece of furniture to make. Especially with the creepy grasping hands.

I want to get this couch, and when people create problems in my house, I will just point to it.

And then start laughing maniacally.

Looking at this couch could make people feel that their existence is meaningless.

There is an army of grasping hands coming for them, and no one believes them.

IKEA has been killing it this month.

For Juneteenth, they celebrated by serving their employees fried chicken and watermelon.

(I still don’t understand why that is actually offensive. What are you supposed to serve on a special holiday for the blacks? No one would get mad if a company served tacos on Cinco di Mayo.)