Ohio: Articles of Impeachment Filed Against Bizarre Masked Governor

Because the Ohio Governor only appears in public wearing a mask, no one can prove that he is not their one true mommy.

No one knows the true identity of the governor of Ohio, as every time he appears in public his face is shrouded in a mask.

Whoever he is, many in Ohio have had enough of his dirty business. The Masked Man has declared that he is the true mommy of every living creature in the state, and many say that they already have mommies, which proves that he is not their one true mommy.

(By the way, we have a lot of people with German heritage in Ohio, so don’t assume that people with German names are Jews.)


A total of 12 Articles of Impeachment have officially been filed against Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine. Those articles were filed by State Rep. John Becker (R-Union Township) and were joined by Representatives Keller, Vitale and Zeltwanger.

The representatives argue that the governor has abused his power during the coronavirus pandemic and cites his veto of Senate Bill 55, along with threatened vetoes against other General Assembly legislation, including Senate Bill 311, which aims to severely limit the powers of the governor during a pandemic.

In a release sent to the media, Rep. Becker’s office said, “Governor DeWine’s mismanagement, malfeasance, misfeasance, abuse of power, and other crimes include, but are not limited to, meddling in the conduct of a presidential primary election, arbitrarily closing and placing curfews on certain businesses, while allowing other businesses to remain open. He weaponized the Ohio Bureau of Workers’ Compensation to bully and harass businesses and the people; to enforce a statewide mask mandate and other controversial measures of dubious “value,” making Ohio a hostile work environment.”

That is all true, of course.

But a mommy has these kinds of powers over her little babies.

Does Becker have any evidence that Governor DeWine is not his one true mommy? If not, then this impeachment is null and void.

The statement goes on to mention the governor’s inclusion of places of worship during shutdown orders and the mask mandate which has been in effect in one state or another since the summer.

Rather than hearing the cries of Ohioans, Governor DeWine continues to stifle those cries by finding more inventive ways to use masks to muffle the voices of the people,” said Representative Becker in the statement. “He continues to have callous disregard for the fact that his isolation policies have led to a shockingly high number of suicides, alarming rates of drug abuse, persistently high unemployment, and the forced abandonment of the elderly by their loved ones.

According to the Ohio State Constitution, the House of Representatives has the sole power of impeachment, but a majority of members must concur. The State Senate tries the impeachment, with a two-thirds vote needed to convict a governor of impeachment.

At the trial, everyone in attendance will be required to prove that Governor DeWine is not their mommy. It is believed that unless he takes his mask off and reveals his identity, no one will be able to present significant proof he is not their mommy, which will mean he can continue to function as everyone’s true mommy.

Ohio law is very clear: “A true mommy has total authority to tell her little babies when they can play outside. If a little baby says that a mommy is not his true mommy, he must prove this in court, or he has to do whatever his mommy tells him.”