Oh Boy, Tom…

This is literally psychological warfare.


Tom Maxwell, a 24-year-old technology journalist, volunteered to have his Tinder profile reviewed for Insider’s Dating App Clinic, a new series where we ask experts how to revamp your dating profiles to increase your chances of finding a match.

“I want to convey that I’m an unconventional person by many standards but hard working,” Tom said. “I’m down for anything and constantly trying new things, like hobbies and food.”

Using Tinder and Bumble, Maxwell told Insider he wants to find someone who can match his adventurous energy.

Rori Sasson, an NYC-based dating expert and co-owner of matchmaking agency Platinum Poire, told Insider what Tom could do to improve his dating profile to increase his chances of finding a match.

Starting with the positives, Tom’s photos do a great job showcasing his face and eyes, the expert said.

“Sunglasses conceal what a person truly looks like, and we are able to see both his smile and entire face,” Sasson told Insider. “He evokes a happy-go-lucky spirit, presumably with some cheekiness intertwined.”

He needs a wider variety of photos and to get rid of the tattoo picture ASAP

However, Sasson said Tom needs to add some variety to his profile by including photos of his full body and pictures that showcase his hobbies.

She also said Tom should get rid of the tattoo picture and write about his love for tattoos in his bio instead.

“His chosen profile pictures do him a disservice – especially the tattooed image,” Sasson said. “It is detracting from the rest of his profile. His first picture should be his best, and he needs to insert a full body photo where he is radiating his best smile and posture.”

Tom’s bio should cut down on unnecessary puns and focus on his interests and career

As far as his bio goes, Sasson said Tom does a good job outlining his career and his interests by saying things like “looking for new friends who want to go hiking, get drinks, and do other fun stuff.”

The Jeffrey Epstein pun he includes, however, isn’t doing him any favors according to Sasson.

That’s uh…

That’s not a pun.

Honestly, it actually terrifies me that the media is referring to that statement as a “pun.”

It holistically implies that whoever is writing this does not believe that the readership has a fifth grade education.

I can promise you this: there is no pun there, and the media claiming that this is a pun is a seriously bad omen.

“A lot of people overly use certain quotes or pop culture references. Side note: Seinfeld and Friends are classics in their own right, but they do not differentiate you from a sea of vanilla profiles,” Sasson said. “Jeffrey Epstein should be erased from the profile in a similar fashion.”


In addition to removing the pun, Sasson said Tom should use more specific adjectives to describe his sense of humor and what he wants in a partner.

As far as deal breakers go, Tom said he isn’t interested in people “advertising their drug use,” people with “large size,” and people who live an “extravagant lifestyle.”

Sasson said Tom should reconsider his alienating and possibly offensive descriptions of people.

“Living a high-end lifestyle does not make a person good or bad. He is alienating a group of individuals before he matches – let alone meets a person,” Sasson said. “‘Large size’ is vague and potentially offensive. Is Tom referring to a large chest size? Joking aside, he should truly specify what he wants.”

Overall, Tom should reconsider his deal breakers, use different photos, and take puns out of his bio, she said.

Tom specifically wants a skinny bitch with a tight pussy.

Frankly, I’m really sickened about this pun thing.

Five times, this article refers to the Epstein comment as a “pun.”

There isn’t any variant definition of the word “pun.” This article is lying about the definition of that word, or the author (and possibly the dating analyst) don’t know the meaning of the word.

“Pun” has a specific meaning. “Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself” is simply a statement, or perhaps a joke. There is no possible reality in which it is a “pun.”

“Pun” very specifically means a joke wherein words that sound the same but have different meanings create a funny third meaning, or there is an overlap of two different meanings.

It is confusing and heavily distressing that this word is being used in such an obviously wrong way so many times by a popular news outlet.

I understand that modern journalism does not use editors. Believe me, I understand that.

But there is simply no explanation as to why an adult would not know what the word “pun” means.

I’m sitting here trying to think of puns to add to this article, but I can’t think of any. A pun is very specific, and it doesn’t pop up very often. It kind of just has to happen on its own.

But my advice to Tom is simple: get yourself a roll of duct tape.

It is a very sad and excruciatingly obvious fact of basic reality that no woman is ever going to have sex with a fat, bald, pathetic little man like Tom.

Probably, Tom is about average at this point – that is to say, according to the actual definition of the word “average.” If you put 100 24-year-old men from America in a room, Tom would probably be about the 50th most attractive.

Unfortunately – and this is indeed most unfortunate – the 50th most attractive woman of 100 is not willing to have sex with Tom. In order for Tom to convince a woman – literally any woman – to have sex with him, he is going to need about thirty million dollars, and he is going to need to flaunt it aggressively.

Men such as Tom are the abject epitome of useless in this society which people such as Tom helped to create.

The fact that he is literally useless – a journalist – is not really important.

If he was something useful like a pipe-fitter, his chances at snatching a snatch would be about the same.

You see, this is the thing about women: they are all going around looking to get fucked by very attractive men.


End of story.

If they cannot get fucked by very attractive men, they will sit around and get “likes” from men like Tom until some very attractive man decides he is drunk enough to fuck them.

What Tom should do is this: he should find a woman he likes, study her daily routine, and wait until she is alone, preferably in a dark place. Then he should come up behind her, grab her by the throat with enough force to prevent her from screaming, and wrap duct tape around her mouth. Then he should pull her arms behind her back, duct tape her wrists together, and throw her in his trunk. Then he should drive her to the woods, pull her out of the truck, fuck her, and then slit her throat with a box-cutter.

Unfortunately, in today’s dating market, that’s the only way Tom is going to make the cut.

(That is a pun about Tom slitting a woman’s throat after he kidnaps and rapes her.)

I am of course joking.

What Tom should do is wrap a paper sheet around his neck and then dive off the side of his bed. Then he should use his body weight to push against the paper sheet until he chokes to death.

That is really the only solution here.

Conversely, he could grow up, and stop thinking about women. He could realize that nature has not blessed him, that the social order is such that men such as him will never have sex, let alone be “loved.” He could then become a hard man, and focus on bringing down the system that denied him his basic and fundamental right to procreate.

However, the fact that he became a journalist implies that there is no timeline in which he grows up.



I’m just going to tell you: it is disgusting what these Jews do.

Telling men like Tom that he is going to score a tight pussy if he just gets his profile right is probably the most evil thing that has ever happened on the entire earth in all of history.

What these people do is dangle things in front of you.

Everywhere in this society, it seems, people are fucking.

In actual reality, they aren’t, but everything implies that they are.

And you are the one missing out.

All you have to do is get your internet dating profile right, and then you’re in.

It’s sick. 

If men understood that they are not going to get laid, they are not going to be loved, they are not going to procreate, that there is no future for them – maybe they would do something.

This situation of men being prevented from procreating should by rights be unsustainable.

There’s a very easy solution, and all it takes is for men like Tom to admit that this situation is unsustainable.