Yeah, remember when I said yesterday that Joe Biden videoing in to George Floyd’s funeral to give a speech about black oppression was the weirdest thing I’d ever seen, surpassing the day before, when we saw the weirdest thing I’d ever seen in my life up until that point, which was Democrat politicians wearing African prayer shawls and worshiping black people?
Remember when I said the new most ultimately bizarre thing I’ve ever seen will happen tomorrow?
Yes, well – that happened.
City health officials suggest New Yorkers kiss boring bedroom behavior goodbye — but not each other — in an updated guide on how to practice extra-safe sex during the coronavirus pandemic.
But before getting frisky, everyone should slip on a different type of protection — a face mask.
“During COVID-19 wearing a face covering that covers your nose and mouth is a good way to add a layer of protection during sex,” according to the agency, which this week announced free home delivery of condoms, lube and HIV self-test kits. “Maybe it’s your thing, maybe it’s not.”
And while the agency does not outright recommend casual sex, for those who live a more adventurous lifestyle the advisory says, “Make it a little kinky. Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.”
Yes, that is the government telling you to have sex wearing a surgical mask to prevent giving the person who you presumably live with the coronavirus during sex.
This is a thing, which has now happened, in real life.
Are we still calling this collective experience we’re having “real life”?
I mean, is that really an appropriate term for whatever it is that is going on here?
How about “apparent shared presence involving sense input in a comically nightmarish vision of rapidly spiraling ultimate doom”?
Or perhaps “floating downward into the gaping, frothing mouth of hell itself”?