New Toilet Paper Calculator Lets You Know How Much You’ll Need for the Quarantine

Pomidor Quixote
Daily Stormer
March 20, 2020

You cannot trust this app.

The right amount of toilet paper for people to have is always going to be as much as they can possibly get.

Daily Mail:

A new website lets users calculate exactly how much toilet paper they’ll need to get through periods of self-isolation during the coronavirus crisis.

As panic buying escalates and empty supermarket shelves becomes a common sight, Got Paper? lets users work out how many rolls to buy for themselves and their family.

The online calculator uses ‘poop’, ‘pee’ and sheet consumption data to give exactly the right amount of bog roll to get them through any length of time under quarantine, ranging from two weeks to one year.

By configuring bodily requirements via a simple interface, Got Paper? aims to reduce panic buying and make people realise they’ve got more than enough supplies.

It’s a trap.

The developer probably wants to stop people from buying toilet paper so he can buy all of that toilet paper for himself.

The site’s developer also hopes the app will encourage those who have filled up their trolley with more than enough toilet roll to share any surplus.

‘I wanted to create something that was going to help the community in what is an incredibly difficult and scary time but also try to add some comic relief to the situation,’ said London-based web developer Dave Stewart, who built the site in just in 24 hours.

‘In times like this it’s important for us to work together and I hope Got Paper? Will help people realise they don’t need to go overboard on stockpiling and encourage everyone to share and help each other where they can.’

Nice try, but no.

People in power know that they have to get as many rolls of toilet paper as humanly possible in order to stay in power.

Look at Boris Johnson, for instance.

Daily Mail:

Camp beds, toilet roll and food stocks were delivered to Downing Street today as Boris Johnson digs in for ‘war’ on coronavirus.

A series of trucks brought supplies to No10, where the PM and officials have been working round the clock as they desperately try to get a grip on the spiralling crisis.

He’s got a pretty sweet toilet paper stash.

The fact is:

The average person uses 3 rolls of toilet paper per day. For a family of 5, that’s 31 rolls a day, or 520 per week. Simple math shows that this is 7,200 rolls per month.

Basically, there is no way you have enough, and the number one thing you need to be doing is figuring out how to get more.