February 11, 2020
Okay, but how’s the WiFi speed in there? Do I get free miniature bars of soap and sachets of shampoo?
Okay so because we’re spending all our money on brown people, we’re probably going to have to scrap all that “space exploration” and “colonizing Mars” business.
That doesn’t mean closing down the whole space program. There’s still much that NASA has yet to accomplish, and can still do, in spite of a limited budget.
For example, opening a space hotel. For extremely rich people (i.e., Jews).
And also, aliens.
Wait – I have reason to believe that might actually be a really good idea.
Either way, it’s happening.
NASA announced last week that it’s moving forward with a plan to commercialize the International Space Station (ISS) — and that the private company Axiom Space will develop a “space hotel” to tack onto the orbital space station.
Now, Axios has obtained more details about the plan, which will see a shift from NASA providing orbital services itself to depending more heavily on private companies take the helm.
It’s a marked shift in priorities for a space agency that’s spent over 20 years helping run the ISS.
It’s indeed a large change in priorities.
However, I prefer to think of it as a change in genre.
Originally, NASA was more into “hard” scifi, in the style of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
That’s cool, but to be honest, this genre of scifi is a little outdated by now. It’s probably a good thing that NASA is trying to branch out.
NASA is transitioning into “cartoon” scifi, or the comedy space opera genre – which I’m quite fond of.
That means we can expect, beyond the space hotel, to be graced with a space burger joint.
Fans of Space Quest rejoice.
And, heaven permit, a space Hooters.
What alien life form could possibly resist visiting NASA’s local Boobies joint?
Basically, we should all expect less space colonization, and more wacky hijinks – in space.
Any Axiom-run space hotel is still several years away, Axios reports. The company’s plan is to launch its first module by the end of 2024, followed by two more modules — one for habitation and one for manufacturing — over the course of the next year.
But even before that, Axiom crews will become a regular sight on the ISS. Company cofounder Michael Suffredini told Axios that it already booked tickets to the ISS on rockets that will launch starting next year.
“We’re beginning these flights early in order to set the cadence and the rhythm,” Suffredini said.
The ISS is expected to be retired at some point in the future — past reports suggest some time between 2024 and 2028.
When that happens, Axios reports that the Axiom Space modules will detach, and the private company will continue to operate its own space station for the foreseeable future.
So in the future, when aliens (which don’t actually exist) visit earth, there won’t be any kind of research facilities in space, but there’ll be some killer accommodations.
The decor is a little questionable, but it looks fairly comfy – by space standards.
So I guess this is how Western civilization dies out, huh? Not with a bang, but with a whimper. Supposedly, we sent a bunch of guys on the moon in the 1960s, when the combined computing power of all of NASA was a fraction of that of your cellphone – but today, with our vastly superior technology, we can’t even maintain a space station in low earth orbit without turning it into a Best Western hotel chain or whatever.
Well, I won’t complain. I’ll just save up my space bucks for when the first Boobies opens up.
This is a future I can come to terms with.