January 6, 2020
Along with the Florida Man who broke into the other Florida Man’s home to suck on his toes, here’s another example of America’s greatness and absolute moral authority.
Just like with the toe sucker, I suspect the seagull killer could be Mike Pompeo.
Authorities in Maryland were searching Sunday for a person who lured a group of seagulls to a shopping center parking lot before driving over them, killing at least 10 of the birds.
Officers were alerted Saturday morning to a report of possible animal cruelty in Laurel, between Washington and Baltimore, Laurel police said in a statement.
The officers discovered that a person had bought a bag of popcorn from a dollar store and emptied it in the parking lot, intentionally attracting a flock of birds, the department said.
The person then plowed through the seagulls in a car and fled, the statement said.
Authorities provided no other information about the suspect.
The department posted photos Sunday on its Facebook page of an officer with an injured bird whose wing had been broken.
It is hard to imagine why someone would do this, but off the top of my head, the only reason I can think of is that he was trying to take collective revenge on the seagulls because he thought a seagull had wronged him.
You are really left wishing that it was mandatory for the cops to make these suspects take toxicology tests. Not just for illegal drugs, but also psycho-pharmaceutical drugs like Prozac, which I tend to suspect are responsible for more of this sort of thing than illegal drugs.
One thing is for sure: 2020 is going to be the year of really weird shit.
This one’s for the injured seagull.