September 4, 2017
The end of a glorious era is upon us.
While the West was pumping out consumerist fiction featuring wealthy people surrounded by luxuries, Japan gave us a humble hero risking his life to plumb our pipes: Mario. This proved to a whole generation that doing honest manual labor wasn’t incompatible with saving the world from inter-dimensional dinosaurs and sentient mushrooms.
But somewhere along the road, Mario lost his way.
Seduced by the appeal of countless luxuries provided by his main bitch Peach and her castle, he’s abandoned his duty serving the people and their pipes.
Wow, who gets a stained glass window in their own image? Talk about being an egomaniac.
He’s even taken plumbing out of his resume, smdh.
According to Mario’s newly updated, official Japanese-language profile, the iconic character isn’t working as a plumber. This shouldn’t be a total surprise, because the character seems to do everything but plumbing.
But doesn’t going down Warp Pipes count? Doesn’t appear so! Here is how the recently uploaded Mario profile explains the character:
All around sporty, whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, he [Mario] does everything cool. As a matter of fact, he also seems to have worked as a plumber a long time ago…
Mario wasn’t always been a plumber. According to Shigeru Miyamoto, the character, then named “Jumpman,” was “basically a carpenter” in 1981’s Donkey Kong, because the game takes place on a construction site.
From doing carpentry and plumbing to lounging around playing tennis and racing cars for sport… Where did it all go wrong?
We never thought things would end like this.
Remember, the Jews use riches and luxuries to help corrupt the hearts of men and bend them to their will. Greed and ambition can be the White man’s strength, but also a weakness that evil parasites will exploit to their ends.
So I’m going to go ahead and blame the Jews for this.
No, but seriously, what the hell is this crap doing at the top of Google’s news feed?
I guess the plot is to censor the entire internet and flood us with Mario related news to cover things up. If the Google news feed was assembled based on importance, the “technology” section shown above should be all about this insane wave of censorship hitting every corner of the internet as we speak. But instead, we get nonsense about Mario and Pixel phones or whatever.
None of this is surprising, of course, given that Google itself is at the core of this push for the complete shut-down of free speech on the internet.