July 16, 2019
One of the defining characteristics of Late Stage American Democracy is that we have abolished the concept of borders. People can just come into the country as they please, and even if soldiers are sent south to prevent them, they end up handing them water bottle and blankets and giving them foot massages before sending them on their way.
So why should Area 51 be any different?
This bitch is borderless now, so why can’t we storm Area 51?
They’ve got a plan to raid Area 51 and “see them aliens.” But what will happen if they actually do it?
Over one million people have signed up to a joke Facebook event, calling on users to meet at Area 51, the US Air Force base in Nevada that’s long been a source of alien conspiracy theories, in September.
“If we Naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets,” the page says, referencing the Japanese manga-inspired running style with arms outstretched backwards and heads forward. “Let’s see them aliens.”
Well, they’ve got a point and CNN was right to highlight that quote.
Naruto running is scientifically proven to increase running speed and agility stats if you fully master it. These plebs simply need to train harder:
And here’s the thing: shooting a bunch of Millennials who love Naruto and anime is very bad optics – so I doubt they’d do it. If they’d shot One Piece fans, it would of course be a different story.
Furthermore, the absolute state that the US army is in leads me to believe that the average American shinobi might be able to overcome anything that the Feds throw their way if it came to that.
My money is on the Naruto Zoomers.
But on a more serious note, we have to consider that these “let’s see them aliens” memes the kids are making are absolutely lit:
And so we really have no other choice but to endorse this plan.
It’s official now: “Storm Area 51“ is now a White Nationalist/Neon-Nazi approved and endorsed event.
All Daily Stormers are now Alien Stormers until further notice and expected to attend -make sure to RSVP, please!
On a more serious note, this experiment/prank/cosplay convention – whatever you want to call it – will put a lot of assumptions to the test.
Assumption 1: borders of any kind still exist in America.
Expected result: once the national border falls, all other borders begin to fall. All of America is up for grabs now, we just don’t realize it yet.
Assumption 2: the US military is capable of defeating the Allied Shinobi Forces.
Expected result: total ninja victory.
Assumption 3: there are ayy lmaos being stored in Area 51.
Expected result: Area 51 is actually a secret chimera/synthetic animal testing facility i.e., a real-life Pokemon simulator.
They originally started the experiments in Okinawa, but the Japs found out about it and tried to warn us through the use of educational TV programs and Game Boy games.
Out of touch Boomers just didn’t know what they were seeing and thought it was aliens this whole time.
All this confusion is about to get cleared up real soon though!