Dictatorship of the Kawaii Canceled: South Korean Intel Reports Kim Just Chilling at Beach Resort

<3 <3 <3 Forever the Supreme Leader of our hearts <3 <3 <3

It looks like the much celebrated takeover of North Korea by Kim’s lovely anime sister is probably canceled.

Nobody has any idea what goes on in North Korea, unless you can see it on satellite images or state television. Not even North Koreans have any clue what’s going on, except for a handful of people at the top.

Basically, North Korea is Schrödinger’s country, and Kim is neither alive nor dead until directly observed.

That said, if anyone outside the country knew what was going on, it would most certainly be the South Korean intelligence services. They are the most invested in knowing what goes on in North Korea, and all of their people can pass for North Korean in order to manage informants.

So, if they say Kim is alive, that is as good as we’re going to get.

The Guardian:

South Korea has said that Kim Jong-un, is “alive and well”, downplaying rumours that that the North Korean leader was seriously ill after undergoing heart surgery.

“Our government position is firm,” Moon Chung-in, a special adviser on national security to the South Korean president, Moon Jae-in, said in an interview with CNN on Sunday. “Kim Jong-un is alive and well.”

The adviser said that Kim had been staying in Wonsan – a resort town on the country’s east coast – since 13 April, adding: “No suspicious movements have so far been detected.”

“We have nothing to confirm and no special movement has been detected inside North Korea as of now,” the South’s presidential office said in a statement last week.

Speculation about Kim grew after Daily NK, a Seoul-based online media outlet that employs North Korean defectors, claimed he was recovering after undergoing a “cardiovascular procedure” earlier this month.

Citing a single unidentified source inside the country, it said Kim, who is believed to be 36, had required urgent treatment due to heavy smoking, obesity and fatigue.

Soon afterwards, CNN reported that Washington was “monitoring intelligence” that Kim was in “grave danger” after undergoing surgery, quoting what it said was an anonymous US official.

So, let’s break that down. One anti-DPRK site posted an article, citing one anonymous source, that Kim was having heart surgery. Then, CNN reported that one anonymous US official said that they were monitoring that site.

And then, the rumors started.

Compared to CNN and all the downstream press that followed their lead on this, the North Korean state media is clearly a much more reliable source of professional journalism. They certainly spin their angle, but I do not think they could get away with lying this brazenly.

This is not the first time Kim’s absence from public life has sparked rumours about his health. He dropped out of sight in late 2014 but reappeared more than five weeks later using a walking stick. Days later, South Korea’s spy agency said he had undergone surgery to remove a cyst from his ankle.

This was not even the first time they did this hoax of “he’s really dead this time, guys.” I understand that they also did this hoax to Kim’s father on and off for five years until he actually died.

Absolutely shameful.

As for anyone asking why he doesn’t just go on TV to prove he’s still alive: Well, if you were Kim, what would you do? Would you show up on TV, and set the precedent that underpaid failed journos can demand proof of life at any time? Or, would you just chill out at your resort, and let the Western media discredit itself?

The winning strategy is to let the uncertainty ride itself out, so that if he ever actually dies, it will look the same and no one will know.

In theory, this is good news for humanity. No one in the region needs a destabilizing internal power struggle in North Korea right now. Everyone needs them to continue along their path of peaceful modernization and wait for Western hegemony to collapse, so that they can develop a better relationship with South Korea and work towards their shared goal of one unified Korea.

But, in practice, this is terrible news for memes.

No one knows exactly what North Korea would have looked like under Kim’s sister – but we know it would have been hot.

Would it have been a brutal open air concentration camp, with daily gassings and saponification of all who did not avert their eyes and tremble before their Iron-Fisted And All-Consuming Supreme Mommy Dictator?

Or would it have been a workers’ paradise of cleanest race socialist comrades laboring contentedly under the wise and loving care of an Eternally Resplendent And Pure Supreme Kawaii Princess?

We may never know what could have been. But we will never forget.

Kim Yo Jong will forever rule over us in perfect happiness – if only in our hearts.