Joe Biden’s Press Conference Demonstrates That He’s Fine and There’s Totally No Problem Here

Joe Biden, the alleged President of America, gave his first press conference on Thursday, after having waited longer than any president in history to do that.

Joe Biden’s confused attempts to read his cue cards assured all Americans that everything is totally fine, and there really is nothing to worry about. There is no legitimate reason why a totally senile and fundamentally befuddled old man can’t be an efficient president. In fact, the bizarre spectacle proved that the only reason someone would be concerned about someone who is clearly not sound of mind running the country is racist bigotry.

Here’s the full hour.

And a ten minute highlights reel.

Biden isn’t ready to show anyone what is going on at the border, but he is nonetheless highly moral and decent, which is what is actually important.

He’s also ready to confront the whole world, in an attempt to bring unity to everyone. It’s not clear if he is suggesting some kind of global government.

What is clear is that he’s capable, and it’s fine, and everyone really just needs to shut up.

Just to make sure no one got in his face and started asking things you’re not supposed to ask – questions that could threaten democracy – Biden had a list with photos of the people who were allowed to ask him questions during the presser.

Biden also declared during the conference that he is planning to run for reelection, something that soothed the sorry sadness of many, who were worried that he may be getting bored with the job and be ready to retire in 2024. But nope. He’s going to keep at this until 2028, when he will be 86 years old.

The part that really showed that his staffers are on the ball was when he said that Republican anti-voter fraud legislation “makes Jim Crow look like Jim Eagle.”

Obviously, that is not a Biden line. Someone wrote that line for him, and whoever it was is an absolute genius.

Unfortunately, there were no questions about the question that is on everyone’s mind: what is Biden doing to ensure our supplies of the nose-only eating mask?

There is a great threat that if the US Federal Government doesn’t secure supplies of nose-only masks, the United States could end up with an even worse coronavirus crisis than we already have.