Hunter Biden Should Run Against Joe Biden in 2024

Hunter Biden is actually based.

Read this Daily Mail report. Or just read their bullet points:

  • Hunter Biden’s wild spending left him with huge debts to credit card companies and desperate to avoid jail for unpaid taxes, can reveal
  • Pictures, documents, emails and texts obtained by from Hunter’s laptop reveal he spent thousands of dollars on strippers and prostitutes
  • Biden even threatened to take $20,000 out of his daughter’s education savings account
  • Pictures found on the laptop show what appears to be thousands of dollars worth of crack bagged up on a scale, and Hunter naked and in bed with women
  • The numerous expenses left him strapped for cash when it came to supporting his new family
  • In an April 2017 email, Rosemont Seneca Vice President wrote to Hunter detailing how he faced total bills of $476,231.60, including $60,467 on three credit cards and $320,417.85 in unpaid federal taxes

Hunter Biden is awesome and made $6,000,000 in three years working as a stooge at a corrupt Ukrainian gas company while doing nothing but having sex with hookers and smoking crack.

A lot of these people shit-talking Hunter are obviously just jealous of his tier-1 lifestyle.

Hunter Biden is, in fact, the kind of leader the Republican Party needs right now.

Picture this TV ad:

  • Hunter Biden is sitting in a leather chair, unshaven, shirtless but for a sports coat
  • A scantily-clad hooker on either side
  • Smoking a crack pipe like it’s a Sherlock tobacco pipe
  • Pulls out a .44 Magnum
  • “They call me Hunter. People ask: what do you hunt? Well, I hunt crooks. And my dad is one.”
  • Hunter tips his crack pipe towards the hooker on the left, while the hooker on the right reaches over to light it.
  • “You might be saying ‘what is this guy doing smoking crack with hookers on TV?’ Well, a lot of people have been asking me about that and my answer is simple: America is a free country, and I can do as I please. It’s my right.”
  • “But you know what’s not a right in America? Stealing elections. In 2020, my father, Joe Biden, stole the election from Donald Trump. So I’m running to take America back, and we will truly make America great again this time.”
  • A third hooker brings out a bald eagle on a glove, and kneels before Hunter’s chair.
  • “I might smoke crack with prostitutes, but what does that really even mean? My father Joe Biden is the real criminal.”
  • “You know my crimes. Do you know Joe Biden’s crimes? Other than stealing an election, and letting in all these immigrants, and taking our guns, and all that other stuff you saw him do on TV? No. You don’t know. No one knows. Creepy Uncle Joe doesn’t even know his own crimes, because he’s senile.”
  • “In 2019, I was in the middle of a crack binge, and hadn’t slept in over 72 hours. I took a four way conference call with the president of the Ukraine, Angela Merkel, and Joe Biden. The president of the Ukraine and Merkel eventually asked that my father hang up the phone, because he wasn’t making any sense. I did the deal and got the job done. Three days without sleep, high on crack, and I was functioning at a level way above my father, Joe Biden.”
  • “As a long time crack smoker, I understand the needs of the black community. And as a white person, I understand normal people as well. If you’re tired of the crime, tired of the wastefulness, tired of stupid, whiny bullshit about black people and immigrants, and tired of the corruption – vote Biden 2024.”
  • “I might be a criminal, but I’m nowhere near on the level of my father, who is a pedophile satanist.”

Who wouldn’t vote for him?

Anyone who wouldn’t vote for him would be too stupid to fill out the form correctly, and would accidentally vote for him instead of his father.

He’d get 100% of the vote.