November 13, 2017
Bugman-ism kills. Take a stand today.
After an violent atheist liberal shot up a church last week, the whole nation was made aware of the bugman threat against normal, decent people.
While fedora-wearing, Hilary-voting, Neil Degrasse-Tyson-quoting spergs were generally recognized as a pathetic nuisance before, their anti-social and nihilistic tendencies were believed to be merely limited to angry social media posting.
But we were wrong.
Tired of being universally ridiculed and held in contempt, the small-souled bugmen of the world are moving on the offensive and threaten our way of life. Unless we act, we’ll soon all be forced to buy Apple products and watch debates between Richard Dawkins and creationists.
Is this the future you want? Vim is pretty good though. And that mechanical keyboard… Sexy. Damn, I might be too far gone… I’ll have to kill myself now.
This must end now.
So many Texans showed up to support parishioners of a small-town church attacked by a maniac mass shooter that Sunday’s service had to be held at a nearby baseball field.
Among the speakers in Sutherland Springs for the service one week after the attack that left 26 people dead was the pastor of First Baptist Church, the Rev. Frank Pomeroy.
Pomeroy’s 14-year-old daughter was among the victims of the shooting.
“We have the freedom to choose and rather than choose darkness as that young man did that day, I say we choose life,” Pomeroy said.
He chose darkness long ago, in an orgy of reddit atheist memes.
“The people who died, lived for their Lord and savior.”
Sen. John Cornyn was also in attendance at the congregation’s first church service since the Nov. 5 attack.
“It really shows the resilience, to come back from such a horrific and awful tragedy of what happened last Sunday. I wanted to be here to show solidarity,” said attendee Baine Serna, 41, who joined hundreds of other supporters and mourners. “The church is showing that it’s healing already. There’s already restoration. It shows that evil will not win. That there’s still a lot of good in humanity. There’s still a lot of people who love one another. The service exemplifies what it means to come together.“
Coming together against the bugman threat is a good first step.
But now, we need action.
I propose an act outlawing fedoras, atheism and Hillary Clinton.
This is all in the interest of public safety, of course.