Germany: Nietzschean Superhuman Zoo Director Proposes Feeding Animals to Other Animals

This was always how things were meant to be.


Zoos that should have been crowded in the sunny Easter holidays are now hard-up and asking for donations, as the coronavirus lockdown bites.

A zoo director in northern Germany has even admitted that some animals might soon have to be fed to others, if the zoo is to survive.

“We’ve listed the animals we’ll have to slaughter first,” Neumünster Zoo’s Verena Kaspari told Die Welt.

Pictured: Zooführer Kaspari preparing extermination orders for concentrated animal population

Berlin Zoo has infant panda twins, but their fans can only watch them online.

The zoo’s spokeswoman Philine Hachmeister told DPA news agency “the panda twins are adorably sweet”.

“Constantly we’re thinking ‘the visitors should be watching them live’. We don’t want the little pandas to be grown up by the time we finally reopen.”

Of course, zoos would be much more popular attractions if people could watch the animals prey on each other. I would have enjoyed this much more as a child, and so would you.

Ms Kaspari at Neumünster Zoo said killing some animals so that others could live would be a last resort, and “unpleasant”, but even that would not solve the financial problem.

The seals and penguins needed big quantities of fresh fish daily, she pointed out.

“If it comes to it, I’ll have to euthanise animals, rather than let them starve,” she said.

“At the worst, we would have to feed some of the animals to others.”

And no one will be there to see it.

This will be the second greatest missed opportunity in the concept of zoos. The greatest missed opportunity, of course, is the lack of dinosaur clones to cap off the food chain.

Oh, what could have been…

Still, with everything being shut down in the wake of the Holocough, people won’t have leisure money to go to these places in the near future.

If they don’t let the animals eat each other now, they’ll just be paying for a zoo nobody will visit again, until people finally break into the zoo and eat them anyway.