Fans and Players Flee DC Stadium Due to Normal DC Shooting Outside

Do not be alarmed.

We remain on the brink of a brown, feminist, anal utopia.

These shootings are just part of the transformation into utopia mode.


Shots that rang out near a base gate outside the Nationals Park stadium in Washington, DC have prompted spectators and players to flee in panic, ignoring the announcer’s pleas to stay put. Videos have emerged showing the exodus.

Saturday night’s game between the Washington Nationals and San Diego Padres was cut short after multiple shots were heard in the vicinity of the ballpark when the game was in full swing. The moment that the shots pierced the air, sending players off the field, was captured on a live broadcast.

The DC Metro Police Department reported initially that two people were shot just outside the stadium. “Two additional victims” linked to the incident later checked themselves into hospitals with gunshot wounds. Noting that the investigation was still active, police were quick to assure the public that there was “no ongoing threat” from the incident.

The sounds of the shots sparked mass panic at the stadium, as fans and players scrambled to escape the bustling arena. Videos show players dashing into the stands to apparently take hold of family members and bring them to the clubhouse, while spectators can be seen sprinting to the field towards dugouts to take shelter.

As fans set off, the announcer at the stadium asked everybody to stay inside for the sake of safety, but to no avail.

No socialist and/or anarcho-capitalist utopia was built in a day.

These are just the birth pains.