October 18, 2018
When Elizabeth Warren’s DNA test proved not to be enough to prove to DRUMPF that she is a real Indian, she took it a step further – she organized a rain dance on the national mall.
Unfortunately, the Cherokee Braves she brought with her for the dance ended up going on the warpath. It is unclear what led to the violent outburst, but those in her rain dancing band stopped the rain dance abruptly (without achieving rain) and then began rampaging through the capital.
Three people were tomahawked and at least one was scalped.
The violence ended when the braves all passed out from firewater, but the situation has put Elizabeth Warren in a tight spot politically, even after she’s offered to support a GoFundMe to help the scalped man have his scalp reattached with surgery.
But seriously though.
She shouldn’t have taken that DNA test. This is one of the worst moves in political history. The media tried to support her, but then decided that it just wasn’t feasible.
NYT was all like “oh this is a big problem for Trump now huh” in an initial article about it that didn’t mention the fact that her alleged DNA is less than 1%. This media still gets caught up thinking it’s the 1980s and they can just omit and move on.
But yeah, everyone is throwing her under the bus now that they’ve grasped the mood.
Look – even the WaPo is now coming against her.
“Unfit to Lead.”
Dana Milbank writes for the Washington Post:
She took President Trump’s bait and submitted to a DNA test to demonstrate her Native American genealogy — and, in so doing, may have doomed her presidential campaign before it began. Now the Massachusetts senator is not only enduring Trump’s “Pocahontas” insults (at least when he’s not calling another woman “Horseface”) but also being disparaged by Indian tribes.
“Senator Warren is undermining tribal interests with her continued claims of tribal heritage,” proclaimed the Cherokee Nation, decrying her “inappropriate and wrong” use of a DNA test, a “mockery” that dishonors “legitimate” tribal citizens.
Ouch. But I can understand why the Cherokees — and indeed all people of good taste — might wish to disavow Warren: It’s the crab mayonnaise.
Among the many unfortunate results of Warren’s recent DNA test suggesting she’s somewhere between 1/64th and 1/1,024th Native American by ethnicity: It inevitably draws attention to her contribution to the ’80s cookbook, “Pow Wow Chow: A Collection of Recipes from Families of the Five Civilized Tribes.” Under “Elizabeth Warren, Cherokee,” it lists five recipes, three of which were apparently cribbed from the New York Times and Better Homes and Gardens.
Worse, one of the recipes she submitted: “Crab with Tomato Mayonnaise Dressing.” A traditional Cherokee dish with mayonnaise, a 19th-century condiment imported by settlers? A crab dish from landlocked Oklahoma? This can mean only one thing: canned crab.
Warren is unfit to lead.
Yet it is difficult not to feel sorry for Warren. Though she doesn’t claim tribal membership, she clearly wants to be embraced. And so I extend an invitation to the senator to join my tribe. Warren should become a Jew. As Trump said when asking for African American votes shortly before praising Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee: “Honor us.”
The Tribes of Israel have little to do with Native American tribes beyond the Yiddish-speaking Indians in Mel Brooks’s “Blazing Saddles.” But no DNA test is required. A stickler might require Warren to ask three times before becoming a Member of the Tribe — “MOT” — but for many, being Jewish is a state of mind, as comic legend Lenny Bruce explained decades ago:
“If you live in New York or any other big city, you are Jewish. It doesn’t matter even if you’re Catholic; if you live in New York, you’re Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you’re going to be goyish even if you’re Jewish. Evaporated milk is goyish even if the Jews invented it. Chocolate is Jewish, and fudge is goyish. Spam is goyish, and rye bread is Jewish. Negroes are all Jews. Italians are all Jews. Irishmen who have rejected their religion are Jews. Mouths are very Jewish. And bosoms. Baton-twirling is very goyish.”
The same applies to current politics. If you work in the Trump administration, you are goyish even if you are Jewish. The House is goyish, the Senate is Jewish. Jeff Flake: Jewish. Dianne Feinstein: goyish. Sonia Sotomayor: very Jewish. Steny H. Hoyer: crazy goyish.
Warren would have some work to do. Her demeanor screams white bread and Jell-O molds. But a few adjustments might help: S top calling herself “an Okie to my toes.” (Even Jews who live in Oklahoma are goyish.) And, for heaven’s sake, stop with the crab mayonnaise.
Lest my motive be mistaken for partisan, I also asked House Speaker Paul D. Ryan’s office if he would kibbitz with me after a DNA test found Ryan to be 3 percent Ashkenazi Jew. Ryan shows a flicker of interest: He tweeted a GIF of himself raising a pint of beer, with the message: “Guess I need to start saying ‘L’Chaim’ now, too!” If he does that with a glass of schnapps, we’ll have our first Jewish speaker of the House.
Well, that column certainly went in a weird direction, Mr. Milbank.
Just to be clear: you do have to take a DNA test to prove your Jewish if you cannot prove it otherwise. This Jew is just lying.
The only way conversion is ever really accepted is if you are married to a Jew, meaning you’re having Jew children. But even then, the overwhelming majority of religious Jews won’t accept you, and secular Jews obviously won’t because for them Jewishness is purely racial.
What Milbank is doing above is celebrating the fact that Jewish culture has taken over large portions of America, so everyone in New York acts like a Jew.
It’s an inside Jewish joke.
The actual difference between Jews and Injuns is that Elizabeth Warren wouldn’t have been able to get away with lying about being a Jew for decades on end, because unlike the Injuns, Jews would have called her out on it.
Anyhow, I’m glad DNA and race are a topic of mainstream political debate now, and people are getting banned from politics because their DNA test gave the wrong results.
These DNA tests are quite something. pic.twitter.com/tCHmW7pJbj
— Senator Hatch Office (@senorrinhatch) October 15, 2018