March 13, 2020
It’s time for your daily roundup explaining just how dead you are.
If you haven’t died already, consider yourself among the cursed.
Previously on Corona Central Station…
- Biggest Stock Market Crash Since 1987!
- Brazilian Tests Positive for Corona Days After Meeting with Trump
- Justin Trudeau’s Wife Tests Positive for Corona!
- Ohio Health Department: More Than 100,000 People in Ohio Infected with Coronavirus
- NBA Cancels Entire Season After Player Gets Coronavirus!
- Finally: Chinese Official Accuses the US of Releasing the Coronavirus, Posts Conspiracy Information
- NJ Mayor: The Real Corona Threat is Anti-Semitism
- Tom Hanks has Coronavirus
I never really even know when I’m joking anymore, but I’m not joking when I say this: this has gotten very, very serious, and there is a 100% chance you personally will die.
The biggest story is really the above linked fact that China is now openly, in English, suggesting that the Coronavirus was a US bioweapon released against them. Which is what (almost certainly) actually happened.
But we’ve got all kinds of news, so strap in and get ready to die.
🚨 BREAKING 🚨
— World Health Organization (WHO) (@WHO) March 11, 2020
Look at that spread. pic.twitter.com/C99jsk84At
— Mister AntiBully (@MisterAntiBully) March 13, 2020
Brazilian President Tests Positive Days After Meeting with Trump! (UPDATE BELOW)
— Mirror Breaking News (@MirrorBreaking_) March 13, 2020
Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, who recently called the coronavirus pandemic a “fantasy,” has tested positive for the illness, according to a local report.
“He waits for the result of the counter-proof this Friday (13) to confirm the contamination. There is tension in the air. Despite spending quiet time on TV, and asking the people to avoid the streets (a clear cancellation of the call for Sunday’s pro-government demonstrations), Bolsonaro does not hide the evidence,” according to a translation in the local news outlet Jornal Odia.
“He appeared in a mask this morning and did not leave the Palácio da Alvorada, the official residence.”
Bolsonaro returned to Brazil this week after meeting Saturday with President Trump at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Miami.
Basically, there’s a 75% chance Trump has the virus.
If Trump has it, probably everyone else in the White House has it.
I just literally can’t even.
UPDATE: Bolsonaro Now Says He Tested Negative and Fox News Lied
Fox News said that Bolsonaro’s son said his father tested positive. That was where the original report was from. Now Bolsonaro has come out and said that this was “fake news.” Fox News pundits are now accusing Fox News of fake news.
Yet FALSE early reporting caused panic and criticism of Trump: “Brazil's Bolsonaro tests negative for coronavirus” https://t.co/VNG0zc8c6u
— Laura Ingraham (@IngrahamAngle) March 13, 2020
It’s quite a strange situation, as is being widely noted.
This thing with Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro is really bizzare.
Fox News claims his son told them he tested positive.
Then he and the President denied it.
Now the Miami Mayor is infected after meeting Bolsonaro.
— PeterSweden (@PeterSweden7) March 13, 2020
The Bolsonaro family is doing to Fox News what they do to Brazilian outlets: accusing them of fabricating a major story to destroy people’s faith in journalism.
But unlike Brazilian outlets, conservatives worship Fox. So the question is whether Fox will defend their journalism?
— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) March 13, 2020
It’s certainly possible that Bolsonaro did test positive, his son told the media, and because that would greatly increase the chances that Trump had it, Trump told him to say he tested negative and it’s being covered up. Not only possible, that seems like the most likely explanation.
If someone specific at Fox News hoaxed this, they should be identified and fired, but at time of writing that hasn’t happened. “Fake news” is generally based on anonymous reports, rather than directly quoting someone in a news article until an hour later they come out and deny that they said it. That isn’t very effective fake news, and anyway, someone can be identified and fired if that’s what happened.
I think Bolsonaro does have it, and think that means that it is very likely Trump also does.
The Jewish aide who was sitting with them definitely does have it, no one is denying that.
Egyptian TV Station Gets Exclusive Interview with the Coronavirus
How come Chuck Todd couldn’t get this interview?
Is he sick now?
Imagine that the US news media is now being outshined in prestige by Egyptian Arabs.
Italian Death Toll Jumps by 1,000!
Remember: Italy is doing actual quarantines, people are wearing masks, etc.
America is doing nothing at all.
Italy’s death toll from the coronavirus epidemic shot past 1,000 on Thursday (Mar 12) as the economic impact worsened, with much of the country at a standstill and the Milan bourse posting its largest-ever one-day fall.
Looking to halt the spread of the disease, the government introduced yet more restrictions on Italians, ordering the blanket, nationwide closure of restaurants, bars and almost all shops except for food stores and chemists.
Why are we not closing anything, you ask?
NO ONE KNOWS!
I GUESS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE AGAINST DEMOCRACY???
Boris Johnson Planning to Let Everyone Get Infected So They Develop “Herd Immunity”
Smart guy, that Boris.
I never would have thought of this.
Nor would the Chinese.
Boris Johnson is facing deep splits with Scotland, Ireland and the US over how to handle the coronavirus crisis today as he defies calls for an immediate shutdown of schools, public events and borders.
The PM is chairing the emergency Cobra committee later where the UK’s tactics will shift from ‘containing’ the killer disease to merely ‘delaying’ its inevitable spread.
The UK death toll hit eight yesterday, and experts are increasingly bracing for turmoil as the overwhelming majority of the population becomes infected and the country develops ‘herd immunity’.
Slowing the progress through the population will be crucial to avoid the NHS being overwhelmed, as has happened in Italy.
Scientific adviser to Number 10, Dr David Halpern, told the BBC the idea was that ‘by the time they come out of their cocooning, herd immunity has been achieved in the rest of the population.’
Herd immunity is when so many people in a population have already had a virus – and become immune to it as a result – that the illness stops spreading because there are not enough potential victims for it to infect and move through.
This thinking is probably part of what is supporting Donald Trump’s “don’t test anyone and it will just go away lol” strategy.
Will you all stop flapping your gums? Generation selfish have been raised to think ONLY of themselves. #coronavirus is a team sport
Get it. Get immunity. Feel better. The herd triumphs
Do not fear death. Everyone has an end. It’s just the timing that is uncertain
#60% of U.K
— Katie Hopkins (@KTHopkins) March 13, 2020
Gambling tens of millions of lives on this theory because you are worried about harming the economy with a quarantine and curfews seems slightly irresponsible.
Australian Minister is Positive!
Not this guy!
The Australian Minister for Home Affairs said on Friday that he has tested positive for coronavirus.
Peter Dutton, an Australian Liberal Party politician serving as Minister for Home Affairs since 2017, said in a statement that he had been feeling ill and took a test for the illness.
“This morning I woke up with a temperature and a sore throat,” the statement read.
“I immediately contacted the Queensland Department of Health and was subsequently tested for COVID-19.
“I was advised by Queensland Health this afternoon that the test had returned positive.”
Boy, I’ll tell ya what.
There aren’t many tests being done, but of those who get tested, there sure are a lot of positive results.
It’s almost like the government is trying to cover up how bad this is and just wait for the virus to die in the spring time.
It’s also almost like there is virtually no chance that will work.
American Testing Still Not Happening – CDC Admits Only 77 People Tested in a Week
Everyone could be infected and we would not know.
The CDC is just outright refusing to provide facilities with the testing capacity.
And the CDC isn’t even testing 100 people a week.
Despite insistent promises from the Trump administration, coronavirus testing in the United States appears to be proceeding with a marked lack of urgency. An examination of state and federal records by Yahoo News finds that American states are, on average, testing fewer than 100 people per day — while the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention had tested fewer than 100 people total in the first two days of this week.
Meanwhile, a single private lab is performing tests, according to a trade group representing such facilities. The administration has repeatedly said that private enterprise would play a critical role in making sure that all Americans who need a coronavirus test receive one.
U.S. officials on Tuesday were faced with an onslaught of questions from members of Congress, amid reports of South Korea’s drive-through coronavirus testing locations.
“This is not a problem we can test our way out of,” said Stephen Redd, MD, head of the CDC’s Office of Public Health Preparedness and Response, in testimony on Wednesday. It was an admission that, in a nation of 320 million, testing every person will be impossible.
Redd also revealed in his testimony that the total number of people tested for the coronavirus by the CDC was 1,784. That means that, as of Wednesday morning, the CDC had tested only 77 people for the coronavirus since Sunday. According to a CDC spokesman, the number that had been tested as of Sunday was 1,707.
It’s obvious to me now that they are not releasing the test because they don’t want Americans to know how many people are infected. They think they can just blame the deaths on the flu and pretend this isn’t happening.
Well, that is what Trump thinks. I think that advice is coming from people who are trying to undermine him so he loses the election.
Politico has an okay piece up about how this is his biggest challenge in getting reelected, and this is the most extreme ball-dropping I’ve ever seen in my life.
Trump Told Dana White to Chill Out
The one person who isn’t worried about Coronavirus is Donald Trump, despite the fact that he most likely already has it based on all of these different exposure points he has and the fact he’s so unworried.
There had been fears the UFC would cancel upcoming events including the highly anticipated showdown between lightweight champion Khabib Nurmagomedov and Tony Ferguson in Brooklyn on April 18.
But UFC president Dana White revealed he spoke directly with US president Donald Trump and vice-president Mike Pence, who advised him to “stop panicking”.
“Think about our sport, we always go overboard with health and safety and that’s what we’re gonna do here,” White, who recently spoke at a Trump campaign rally in Colorado, told ESPN’s SportsCenter. “I talked to the president and the vice-president today about this, and they’re taking this very serious.
I wish Trump had people who weren’t evil in his proximity.
Despite all he’s done, I don’t really desire for him to lose the election. Out of self-preservation instinct alone, I’m against that.
But here we are.
Joe Biden Calls for Anti-American Response to Virus
We’ve tried Trump’s America First approach and it’s led to our doom.
Now we need an ANTI-American response where America holds itself responsible for solving the problem for the entire planet.
Joe Biden delivered a call for swift and urgent action to combat the coronavirus outbreak on Thursday, in a speech that rebuked the Trump administration’s isolationist response and sought to preview how he would steer the nation through a crisis as its president.
The 2020 Democratic frontrunner offered a detailed new roadmap for stemming the virus, emphasizing the need for solidarity and championing science.
He also painted a broader vision to restore the U.S. as a world leader — one day after President Donald Trump announced a shutdown of foreign travel from most European countries during an Oval Office address filled with errors that shook already troubled financial markets and confused the public.
“We’ll never fully solve this problem if we’re unwilling to look beyond our own borders and engage fully with the rest of the world,” Biden said. “We have to confront the coronavirus everywhere.”
Is “sure America, this plague is tough for you, but we also need to expend resources helping foreigners” going to be a popular message?
Wasn’t the problem with Trump’s strategy that it wasn’t isolationist?
Don’t we only have this virus in the country because Trump refused to shut down flights from China in the first place?
Biden was against it when he finally did it, nearly a month after he should have done it.
The front-runner for the Democrat nomination for POTUS attacked Trump in late January 2020 when he restricted travel from China, saying, "“This is no time for…hysteria & xenophobia – hysterical xenophobia.”
Remember, Democrats believe:
Fighting racism > Saving American Lives https://t.co/exk7XKLvn7
— VDARE (@vdare) March 12, 2020
Feds Injecting $1.5 Trillion
I think the economy is damned either way.
When you start doing stuff like this, you’re signaling that you’re about to lose control or you’ve already lost control.
The Federal Reserve Bank of New York on Thursday took steps to inject more than $1.5 trillion into the markets in a bid to calm investors who are fearful of the economic impact of the coronavirus.
Stocks briefly pared their steep losses Thursday afternoon. But the extremely volatile market activity continued: The Dow Jones industrial average and S&P 500 index were down 7.8% and 7.3%, respectively, around 1:40 p.m.
With market chaos swirling, the New York Fed’s Open Market Trading Desk revealed plans to flood the short-term funding markets with capital.
“These changes are being made to address highly unusual disruptions in Treasury financing markets associated with the coronavirus outbreak,” the Fed said in a statement.
The initial step involves an offer to purchase $500 billion in a so-called “repo operation” beginning today. A repo operation is an effort to keep interest rates in the Fed’s preferred range.
Repo operation sounds serious though, so who knows!
Disney Shuts Down All Parks! Some Movies Too!
But will they shut down all movies?
Disney’s tourism business has come to a halt because of the coronavirus.
Disney (DIS) is closing Walt Disney World, its flagship theme park resort in Orlando, Florida, because of the global pandemic. The company also announced the closure of Disneyland Paris and the suspension of all new departures with the Disney Cruise Line. Earlier on Thursday the company said it was closing it’s iconic Disneyland resort in Anaheim, California. The virus, which has spread worldwide, has now shuttered the gates of all eleven Disney theme parks across North America, Europe and Asia.
The parks are a major driver of the company’s sprawling entertainment business: Disney generated more than $26 billion in sales at its Parks, Experiences and Products division in fiscal 2019, representing 37% of the company’s overall revenue. The closure comes at a moment of major transition for Disney. Just 16 days ago, Bob Iger stepped down as the company’s CEO, naming Bob Chapek as his replacement, whose previous role was chairman of Disney Parks. Disney (DIS) shares have fallen more than 20% since the handover as the coronavirus forced the closing of theme parks, delaying the release of “Mulan” and sapping ESPN of live sports.
I think if everything stops then these companies don’t actually lose much money.
Disney has delayed ‘MULAN’, ‘NEW MUTANTS’ and ‘ANTLERS’ due to coronavirus fears. pic.twitter.com/VOLFGtOVFJ
— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) March 12, 2020
Like I mean, if we totally paused everything, with no one working, then where would the money loss be? On electricity and maintenance?
Because of course the only way to solve this crisis is to shut everything down completely. That is what China did and what we can do. But we probably won’t do it. Because Trump isn’t worried and thinks as long as no one gets tested everything will be fine.
A Special Message from Infected Tom Hanks
— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 13, 2020
No one cares, Tom! You suck! Forrest Gump sucked and you’re a fag!
YOU DESERVE THIS VIRUS FOR MAKING FORREST GUMP YOU FAGGOT!!!!!
Latest /cvg/ Research
- Patients infectious after “recovery”
- “Recovered” drops dead, surge of reinfections
- Virus spreads through pipes
- Virus can live in the air for several hours
- Testicular damage
- China burning bodies without testing or registration
- China figures likely simulated
- US testing delayed, shortage of chemicals
- Italy not testing contacts even if symptomatic
- WHO estimated 284,000 deaths for H1N1 from only 18,000 confirmed
If Trump has the Virus and Dies…
Well then, I guess Mike Pence will be president and use the chaos surrounding the virus to start a war with Iran?
But who knows?
Maybe Trump contracted Coronavirus as part of a 4D chess plan and you should buy the dip?
Either way – might be time to repent, lads.