Eddie Van Halen is Finally Dead!

Great news!

NBC News:

Legendary guitarist Eddie Van Halen, whose band helped define the rock genre from the late 1970s through much of the 1980s, died Tuesday following a bout with cancer, his son said. He was 65.

Wolf Van Halen called Eddie Van Halen “the best father I could ever ask for” on Twitter.

“I can’t believe I’m having to write this, but my father, Edward Lodewijk Van Halen, has lost his long arduous battle with cancer this morning,” he wrote. “He was the best father I could ever ask for. Every moment I’ve shared with him on and off stage was a gift. My heart is broken and I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from this loss.”

Hells yeah.

I’ve been waiting my entire life for this day.

I simply cannot tell you how many magical moments of my life have been ruined because some asshole turned on Van Halen.

I would say that of all the people in my life, Eddie Van Halen has done more to damage my life experience than any other.

Basically, Van Halen is the precise opposite of the magic I feel when I hear nostalgic, non-decadent, introspective music like The Midnight.

Imagine you’re 15, and you finally get alone time with the girl you like, at night with you know, maybe a couple of brewskis, and everything is just exactly perfect, and you’re getting ready to lean in and kiss her, and then someone turns on “I’m Hot for the Teacher.”

This is the kind of thing that will completely ruin your life.

Things like that have happened to me more than once involving Van Halen.

Imagine another situation: you are in your late twenties and you find a spot that reminds you exactly of a very special place that you went with your grandma when you were five years old. You sit down and you just bask in the memories, and then all of a sudden you hear the opening drum beat of “Everybody Wants Some.”

Again: life is ruined.

I wish I could have ruined Eddie Van Halen’s life before he died, and on some level, I am sad he’s dead because I did not get my revenge.

On the larger and impersonal level, Van Halen and their Jew frontman David Lee Roth played a big role in harming the masculine image in America. Frankly, I also blame Led Zeppelin for this, but Van Halen was much worse.

Having long hair, wearing a shirt with your chest out – this is not masculine, and is in fact the opposite. This long hair thing was the first transition into transsexualism. There is only one time that long hair is acceptable, and that is when you also have a long beard because you’re a hardcore mountain recluse.

That said, even many hardcore mountain recluses take the time to cut their hair so they don’t look like ladyboy homos.

Here’s the deal, just in case you haven’t gotten it yet: women will be attracted to whatever is big and famous. The measure of a woman’s sexual drive is how big and famous something is. Given that, the media is able to define what women are attracted to by deciding what is big and famous.

Men then, wanting to be attractive to women, will copy whatever that thing is that the media has decided to make big and famous. This is the most basic social engineering, playing off the base sexual drives of men and women to create a disgusting mess where skinny men are going around with long hair and their shirts open, smoking drugs and dancing around like a troupe of faggots.

Frankly, the media should be showing men like John Wayne as the sexual ideal, which would then encourage men to act like John Wayne to get women, which would then create a strong and patriarchal society. That’s the way it should be.

But also, if I’m being frank with you, women should not be able to decide who they want to have sex with in the first place! The single most important duty of a society is to reproduce, and the idea of putting the decisions about how we reproduce in the hands of teenage girls is insane and retarded, and no one anywhere can explain why this would be a good idea.

By dominating the culture, the Jews have literally seized the means of reproduction.

The world is a better place without Eddie Van Halen.

My hope is that now that he is dead, his music can also die, and no one else will have a special moment ruined by these horrible songs.