Dystopian Freakshow: Strippers Go Back to Work with Masks

It’s sad that strippers these days are fat with all of these disgusting tattoos. I just really can’t even imagine the mindset of a woman who gets a tattoo. “Oh, hey, let me make myself significantly uglier for no reason.”

Nonetheless, strippers remain more morally grounded and intelligent than the average woman in America, and more so in fact than many men.

USA Today:

Cleo counts out crumpled dollars, straightening the bills as she stacks them neatly on her bare leg.

“Twenty-two dollars,” the 23-year-old exclaims. “Not too bad!”

All around her, more than a dozen nearly naked women are dancing on the stage and swinging from a brass pole as music thumps and customers shower the dancers with money. It’s like any other night at this rural strip club on the Colorado-Wyoming border, with one notable exception: While the dancers are all wearing barely-there outfits, every one of them is wearing a mask.

Some are bandannas. Some are surgical masks. One looks as if it was swiped from a construction site. They’re a seemingly odd accessory for women wearing a mix of g-strings, bikinis and lingerie.

But this is the time of coronavirus, and following state rules, the women are wearing them as they feel out their first night back in business. For Cleo, that $22 is the first income she has earned in weeks. And she’s ready to make more, even if it brings her far closer to customers than the state’s 6-foot-social distancing guidelines.

Yes, oh my, everyone is getting really concerned about the health of strippers.

If you believe that then I suspect you’d believe just about anything.

“I feel like my makeup is sweating off under this thing,” she adds from behind her bandanna, then looks up as the music changes. “Oh, that’s my song. Gotta go.”

Cleo, who didn’t want her legal name used because of potential harassment, clambers up onto the stage and begins spinning around the pole, her 5-inch-high shoes banging together as she bends backward to rest both her feet and head on the floor to a scattering of cheers and whoops.

Welcome to The Den, one of the first strip clubs in the country to reopen amid the coronavirus pandemic. To celebrate its grand reopening, the club threw a “masks on, clothes off” party Friday night.

“I’m super-excited. I’m a little nervous because the virus is still out there, but I’m glad to be able to go to work, because a lot of people can’t yet,” says dancer Doris Craig, 20, between performances. “The stimulus money was nice, but that’s going to run out, and I don’t like to feel like I’m dependent on the government.”

Soak that up – this fat stripper who has tattoos has more personal dignity than a massive percentage of white American men, including the neo-Nazis, who are encouraging their followers to beg the government for money.

In fact, many people in the “alternative media” sphere are going on and on about how great it is that we’re going to be forced onto a UBI system where the government is in control of our ability to feed ourselves.

While other bars and restaurants across the country are slowly reopening with strict distancing and safety protocols, establishments across Wyoming are taking a looser approach based largely on the widespread sentiment here that the coronavirus is mostly an urban illness affecting elderly people in nursing homes. At The Den, hand sanitizer is everywhere, but dancers are also touching patrons and exchanging cash, which can carry the virus.

Munching on a slice of freshly delivered Domino’s pepperoni pizza, with her white bandanna temporarily hanging around her neck, dancer Breauna Grover says during a break that she’s not worried about getting sick. At 24 years old, the self-described conspiracy theorist says she believes the virus poses little danger. Besides, she says, she missed the customers and dancers to whom she has became close over the past two years.

“That’s why it’s so great: People have to pay attention to you because you’re naked,” she says with a laugh.

Wow, the strippers are also better educated on the science of the coronavirus than a lot of urban men.

Imagine that.

These strippers should not be forced to wear these masks. It is cruel and unusual, and it is humiliating some of the last honest folks in this country.

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before the federal government goes in and shuts down Wyoming strippers and gives OnlyFans a total monopoly on male attention.