July 20, 2018
HOLY FUCKING SHIT MAN LOOK AT THIS.
Wait, wrong video.
I don’t know why USA Today didn’t add the STYX song to that video, the narration is shit. Play both at the same time for maximum understanding of this tragedy.
I have long warned of the dangers of Duck Boats.
What is a Duck Boat, you ask?
It’s also known as a car-boat or, more commonly, a boat-car.
I don’t know if it’s known as that, but that’s what I called it when I was giving my warnings.
I said to anyone who would listen: “a thing that is made for the road is not meant for the sea, and so true is the reverse.”
Four more bodies have been pulled from the water where a duck boat capsized on Thursday night, bringing the total death toll from the tragedy to 17.
All of the victims were on board the Ride the Ducks amphibious vessel when a powerful storm rolled over the lake, lashing the water with 60mph winds at around 7pm.
You can ride the ducks, you can ride the lightening.
But you can’t ride a Missouri lake.
My friends, the Missouri lake will ride you. And your shitty boat-car, which is an abomination mankind never should have invented.
Fourteen people survived, including the boat’s captain. Seven people were hospitalized with injuries.
Those who died range in age from one to 70. Among them was the boat’s driver.
Search and rescue teams sectioned off part of the lake to continue their recovery of the four missing bodies on Friday morning.
The first 11 bodies were found on Thursday night and six more were recovered the next day.
The lake which is 229ft seep and has a surface area of 43,100 acres was partially reopened to the public on Friday morning.
Now, authorities must bring the boat wreckage back to the shore to investigate why it failed.
I can tell you right now why it failed: mankind was never intended to dabble in such things.
Never intended to mix the boat with the car.
I am hereby calling on Congress to repeal the Duck Boat Amendment.
The Duck Boat Amendment was from a previous age, before the invention of bridges, when people had to drive across rivers to get to work in the morning. Never was the Duck Boat intended for riding the ducks.
The Constitution is a living document.
Seventeen people are now dead because Congress is too afraid to take on the Duck Boat lobby.
Prominent leader of the Anti-Semitic National Duck Boat Association Bill Paxton makes millions off of death.
I am hereby declaring a million man march on Washington to repeal the Duck Boat Amendment, and do door-to-door searches to confiscate and destroy Duck Boats.
The killing must end.