Coronavirus Spreads at US Colleges, Set to Kill 90 Bajillion Zillion Young People

Young people think they’re strong. They think they’re invincible.

But when the coronavirus hits them, they burst like chicken sausages in the mouth of a rabid sabertooth tiger.

No one can resist the coronavirus, which is the most deadly disease known to all of mankind in the entire universe.

This is what happens when you don’t trust the experts.

This is what happens when people stop believing in science.

Everyone dies.

Anthony Fauci pleaded with them. He virtually got down on his knees and begged them to listen to reason – to follow science, just this one time. But some colleges insisted on resisting. Now, they will sleep in the grave they’ve dug.


More U.S. colleges were grappling with high numbers of students testing positive for the coronavirus just days into the start of the fall semester after some universities rolled back their campus reopening plans in recent weeks.

The University of Alabama on Monday reported more than 550 people across its campuses had tested positive for COVID-19 since it resumed in-person classes on August 19. Most of those infected were students, faculty and staff at the university’s main campus in Tuscaloosa.

Citing a “dramatic increase” in coronavirus cases on campus, the mayor of Tuscaloosa issued an executive order on Monday ordering bars to shut down for 14 days and placing restrictions on other establishments.

“Many students who tested positive for COVID-19 have chosen to go home to isolate,” Kellee Reinhart, the university’s vice chancellor for communications, told Reuters in an email.

Reinhart said the school had an “ample amount” of space for COVID-19 positive students to isolate and that it was enhancing testing of various groups.

The university has conducted more than 46,000 tests, according to a dashboard it released this week, and the positivity rate stood at about 1%. The number of positive cases does not include the 400 students who tested positive upon returning to University of Alabama campuses before classes began last week.

The University of Southern California (USC), which resumed education almost entirely online on August 17, on Monday said that more than 100 students at the University Park Campus in Los Angeles were in a 14-day quarantine after exposure to the virus.

Ohio State University, where classes resume on Tuesday, this week issued more than 200 interim suspensions for students following a string of large parties where health and safety rules were largely ignored, according to media reports.

Last week, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill canceled in-class instruction after positive cases of COVID-19 shot up dramatically.

Sixty million bajillion people have been infected with coronavirus.

So far, twenty bajillion zillion have fatally died from the deadly virus.

Soon, everyone will be dead from this virus, and it will be left to bears and deer to evolve into a humanoid form to rule the earth.

For anyone who is keeping score, and following the science, these are the facts, according to science:

  • Science says that if everything doesn’t stay shut down, as many as seventy-hundred-thousand trillion bajillion bazillion people will die from the virus
  • Science says that even if you stand six feet apart and wear a mask, you will still get the virus
  • Science says that the military should be used to shut down businesses and force people to wear masks
  • Science says that people should be force-vaccinated with a DNA-altering potion, but that this probably won’t really work anyway
  • Science says that the quickest route to get life back to normal is to vote for Joe Biden
  • Science says to put lives before the economy
  • Science says that consent can be withdrawn at any time, including years after the woman had sex
  • Science says there is no science but expert science, and Bill Gates is its prophet
  • Science says that the real disease is racism and you can’t spread disease at a race riot for justice
  • Science says that racism causes black people to get diseases
  • Science says that the only way to truly end systematic racism is to vote for Kamala Harris in November
  • Science says that if an 87-year-old man in a nursing home didn’t get coronavirus and die, he would have lived to be 2000 years old
  • Science says that to have democracy, more people should be banned from Twitter
  • Science says black people are exactly the same as white people and the only difference is their skin color, which people hate for no reason
  • Science says the living will envy the dead
  • Science says women leaders are better at fighting coronavirus
  • Science says that not wearing a mask is like committing murder
  • Science says touch your nose
  • Science says hop on one foot
  • Science says hop around in a circle on one foot

The science is undeniable, and we must follow it if we hope to survive through this endless disaster that is the single most deadly disease ever seen in all of history by anyone ever.

But still, we have science deniers like Donald Trump running around without a mask.