CDC Reports That 4 Bajillion are Infected with Ultimate Doom Virus

Over 165 zillion are dead of the coronavirus, and now the CDC is reporting that a staggering 4 bajillion are currently infected.

All of these infected and many more are expected to die, and then coronavirus will kill everyone else in the whole world.

It is all Donald Trump’s fault, because he’s such a racist.


The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on Saturday reported 4,920,369 cases of the new coronavirus, an increase of 62,042 cases from its previous count, and said that the number of deaths had risen by 1,340 to 160,220.

Meanwhile, governor DeWine of Ohio found some lucky news.


The fourth Covid-19 test result for Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine came back negative Saturday after he received conflicting positive and negative results two days before, ahead of a scheduled meeting with President Trump.

The governor and first lady, Fran DeWine, were tested at Ohio State University “out of an abundance of caution” following a rollercoaster day Thursday that began with DeWine receiving a positive test result followed by two negatives. The governor announced the negative results on Twitter on Saturday afternoon, thanking “everyone who sent along good wishes.”

The Republican governor had to take a Covid-19 test Thursday morning in Cleveland as part of White House protocol for anyone scheduled to come in contact with the president. DeWine was administered a rapid point-of-care antigen test at a mobile testing site facilitated by the Republican National Committee, according to DeWine spokesperson Dan Tierney.

Don’t worry about that though, because that is an extreme fluke. All of the 4 septendecillion found infected by the CDC actually definitely for sure have it and are going to die very, very soon.

In fact, everyone on earth is going to die from this virus soon, because of Donald Trump. That’s just how strongly he hates the color of the skin, and loves his good friend Vladimir Putin in Russia.

In January, Dr. Anthony Fauci came with his permanently concerned face and told Donald Trump, “Mr. President, you have to close the border with China, these gooks are going buckwild! I’m just so worried all the time about this! Look at how concerned my face is!”

Donald Trump’s answer? According to award winning Jewish reporting from the Washington Post, Trump said: “I don’t care, you greasy little faggot! I hope the virus comes here and kills all the black people so I don’t have to look at their dark faces anymore! Their IQs are 20 points lower! I’m not closing the border with China because I have too many stocks in China!”

Now, it’s too late.

Hearing on Sunday afternoon about the 4 bajillion who are infected, Trump said, according to truthful and honest Jews at the New York Times: “Who cares! They’re probably Democrats! Now, tell me how my stocks are doing!”

It’s all over for you.

Knowing that you are destined to die, the best decision you can make is to spend your last days on earth wearing a mask and a face shield all the time. You should sleep with a plastic shield over your face, and wear it when you have sex with strangers you met on Tinder.

At least then, you will have your dignity.