June 25, 2015
The shuddersome sub-cultural swamp that is Britain’s ‘gay community’ this week launched the 2015 London Festival of Sodomy. To mark this event I have created a brand new award entitled “Britain’s Dirtiest Queers”.
Competition for this prestigious award is as stiff as a government minister in a childrens’ home – nevertheless I have managed to whittle down the contenders to those listed below, all of them famous for flinging filthy faggotry in the faces of the decent majority.
Voting starts now. The three winners will receive their awards – gold-, silver- and bronze-plated models of the Hepatitis B virus – at a special ceremony in a gentlemen’s public toilet just off the A282 near Dartford.
Below, in order of disgustingness, are the contenders. Keep your sick-bag at the ready.
1. Freddie Mercury (1946-1991)
Ageing fans of pomp rock are inclined to weep rivers of tears at the mere mention of this walking petri dish, though rarely do they spare a thought for the scores of men and women he may have infected with HIV-AIDS (and other sexual diseases) during years of Olympian promiscuity. The Zanzibar-born singer said, “I’m just an old slag who gets up every morning, scratches his head and wonders what he wants to fuck.”
2. Leon Brittan (1939-2015)
In 1982 a young boy rescued by police from a savage sexual attack at the Elm Guest House in west London – an infamous gay brothel – named one of his abusers as “Uncle Leon, who works at the big house.” At that time Leon Brittan was Chief Secretary to the Treasury under Margaret Thatcher. Rumours circulated of Brittan dressed in a French maid’s outfit with naked boys on his lap. He is alleged to have ‘lost’ a dossier detailing child sex-abuse by senior establishment figures. The allegations against Brittan were never properly investigated and – now that he is dead – probably never will be.
3 & 4. Elton John and David Furnish
Tantrum-throwing twelve-inch pianist Elton John and his poofter partner David Furnish occupy third and fourth places in my shortlist. With a high-profile ‘gay wedding’, subsequent production (by surrogacy) of two baby boys and the naming of Furnish as ‘mother’ on the birth certificates, these arrogant, narcissistic analists have drawn an entire nation into their twisted world of millionaire queerdom. John likes to share filthy websites with celebrity pals, but the hobby is as nothing compared to his sodomitic sullying of the sacred institution of marriage.
5. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Not everyone knows that Britain’s most famous child molesting Victorian queer also wrote plays and poems. Wilde’s sexual penchant was for ‘a bit of rough’, and his usual targets for attack were vulnerable lower class boys. Thankfully, the preening paedophile was eventually jailed for gross indecency.
6. David Walliams
Fed up with his camp on-screen antics, Dutch supermodel Lara Stone recently split from husband David Walliams, the Britain’s Got Talent panellist. Walliams claims to be bisexual but, given his past heterosexual couplings, is more likely faking it for career advantage. He is to bisexuality what Rachel Dolezal is to blackness. Here’s a picture of the effeminate Walliams (right) gleefully simulating buggery in public.
7. Peter Tatchell
Marxist pansy Peter Tatchell once campaigned for lowering the age of consent to fourteen. But following the recent convictions of numerous celebrity paedophiles, he sensibly keeps silent on the issue.
8. Simon Hughes
Muslim men retain a vigorous masculinity which many western fags find intensely arousing. One prominent thrill-seeker playing femme to butch Islam is former MP Simon Hughes, who in this video prostrates himself before a Muslim audience. “Every country in the world is your country”, says Hughes, “we want you to be the leaders, we want you to be standing for Parliament, to be cabinet ministers, to be the Prime Minister.”
9. Scott Rennie
Less famous than those other Scottish poofs, Ben Doon and Phil McAvity, Scott Rennie in 2009 became Scotland’s first actively homosexual church minister. His appointment to Queen’s Cross Church in Aberdeen split the Church of Scotland – but, you know, what does that matter as long as faggots get the right to flaunt their faggotry in the faces of God-fearing traditionalist Christians?
I leave tenth place in the shortlist open to readers’ suggestions.