BREAKING: Jonathan Swan is an Abominable Scumbag

I actually like Jonathan Swan. Not in a gay or professional way, but he seems like a clever guy who could be doing something of value, but has instead chosen to be an evil scumbag, shilling idiotic hoaxes and anal wars.


A State Department official has lamented the US military’s exit from Afghanistan as bad for women, allegedly airing the “private” opinions of many others. But the talking point also mirrors an infamous leaked CIA memo.

Molly Montgomery, deputy assistant secretary for European and Eurasian affairs, expressed apprehension about the end of the United States’ nearly 20-year occupation of Afghanistan, claiming that the withdrawal would have devastating consequences for Afghan women and girls.

“Woke up with a heavy heart, thinking about all the Afghan women and girls I worked with during my time in Kabul,” Montgomery tweeted on Friday. “They were the beneficiaries of many of the gains we made, and now they stand to lose everything. We empowered them to lead, and now we are powerless to protect them.”

The message was deleted shortly after it was posted. A spokesperson for the State Department told inquiring media outlets that Montgomery “deleted the tweet on her own volition.”

There has been growing concern about the fate of Afghan women, as a sweeping Taliban offensive continues to seize more territory in the country. The militant group uses Sharia law, under which women are subordinate to men. In the past, the Taliban have been accused of flogging and stoning women accused of indecency.

While the tweet may have been voluntarily removed, its provocative connotations seem to clash with the Biden administration’s framing of the US withdrawal from Afghanistan. The exit has been heavily criticized by media outlets and Beltway insiders as premature and irresponsible.

Jonathan Swan, a reporter for Axios, claimed that the scrubbed tweet “captures the private feelings of many others.”

Some replies expressed sympathy with the position, suggesting that the US could take in more Afghan refugees.

However, there’s nothing new about Montgomery’s messaging. In a leaked memo from March 2010, an elite CIA “problem-solving” group, known as the “Red Cell,” proposed that the best way to fight apathy and opposition to the war in Afghanistan was to highlight the “aspirations” of Afghan women and “their fears of a Taliban victory.”

Obviously, as I’ve regularly pointed out, that 2010 memo has served as the basis of the entire narrative about Afghanistan for years now – “it’s a war for feminism.”

No one can really play dumb on that point, if pressed. This is something everyone knows. It’s a stupid narrative created to sell the war during the Obama years to people who opposed George W. Bush. It’s a kinder war – soft and sweet, like a pussy.

I guess I just don’t understand Swan’s motivation.

For those who don’t know who he is, here is his absolutely hilarious interview with Donald Trump, from July of last year.

It was one of the few times since like, Bush-era Daily Show or Colbert that I was able to appreciate a leftist creative. It’s obvious that he understands the comedic value of Trump.

Virtually every contemporary journalist that I’ve ever read, watched or examined in any other way is simply a shiftless gutter-licker. If they are not women, coloreds or Jews, they are low IQ morons who had fantasies of becoming a novelist or the next Sy Hersh or Hunter S. Thompson. Instead, they ended up writing copy for the most powerful people in the world, while framing themselves as fighting against some invisible establishment. The fake and invisible establishment that leftists fight against has been dead since the sixties, and the last vestiges of it were crushed when Dick Nixon resigned in 1974.

Now, the same people who raged against George W. Bush support those same policies reframed as support for feminism.

Unlike Jon Oliver, Swan seems like a very normal, smart guy.

For the record – no, he’s not married to a Jew, as far as I can tell. Betsy Woodruff is from Virginia. Though maybe she controls his mind, as is the standard relationship model of millennials.

His wife is not especially anything. They are extremely normal, existing alongside these mutants and trannies that make up the bulk of the journalistic profession.

Why would he not want to do something more meaningful with his life than shill for the CIA and his personal obliteration at the hands of an anti-white mob?

Is he simply driven by a desire to be a part of what is considered “normal”?

That is the obvious answer, but I typically imagine that someone with a bit of cleverness behind his eyes also believes in something.

Intelligence is generally linked to morality, and vice-versa. That is the general problem that the current regime is running into now – intelligent people would rather drop out on fentanyl or an 18-hour-a-day RimWorld routine than join the Evil Empire.

What I also wonder is: how many people does Swan represent?

What is the specific number of clever white men of my generation who have kept their wits and not turned into fat slobs, and yet still willingly serve the Evil Empire?

And Swan, I know you’re reading this (and no doubt thinking “how cocky of him to think I would read this thing I’m currently sitting here reading”) – no, I don’t expect you or anyone else to go full-Anglin. There is a lot of room in this world to operate between me and being an open CIA shill promoting the extension of the war in Afghanistan, which is literally about the single shittiest thing anyone can do.

However, I should say: my legacy is protected. I will not only be remembered as someone who resisted this evil, but also as an artist, who was able to make people laugh as the world burned. This whole “neo-Nazi” bit will be understood as high satire by future historians, and my chrestomathy will be required reading in universities.

That’s contingent on my side winning, of course.

But if your side wins, Jonathan, what do you get?

You’ll be lucky if you don’t simply get lynched for being a heterosexual white male (married to a white woman at that!). Anything beyond “not lynched” is going to be a bonus, but I do not expect it will be a very good bonus.

If you’re a secret pedophile or satanist, then I guess I get it. If not, then you need to ask yourself what the hell happened to your life that you are now promoting CIA talking points supporting a continuation of the Afghan war.


I just realized he is getting kind of fat.

But I don’t think that explains it.