December 26, 2018
The main reason that Trump is a complete failure as a president is that he has done nothing about the #1 issue facing America.
The obesity epidemic.
Maybe some of you voted for Trump because he promised a Wall. Others, because he promised to end the wars. Maybe even because you believed that the economy would be improved under his steady businessman’s hand.
Me, I focused on the important issues, and not on any of those irrelevant distractions.
I was certain that with Melania in the White House, the fat acceptance movement would come to a screeching halt.
Not only that, but I was certain that Louboutin high heels would make a comeback.
So far, I have been bitterly disappointed by the Trump Presidency’s failure to make good on bringing back Low-Waist Jeans Nationalism.
I should have known that only an Arab strongman would be able to deliver.
Egyptians have been cracking jokes on social media after the Egyptian president went on a 20-minute televised rant complaining about the country’s obesity crisis.
Authoritarian President Abdel Fattah al-Sisi went on his second tirade against obesity in as many months when health minister Hala Zayed presented new numbers on the weight of Egyptians on Saturday.
Interrupting her, he asked, “Why are we doing this to ourselves?”
President Sisi said he sometimes sees people and thinks: “Why is she not taking care of herself?” and “can you walk like that?”
He went on to preach that Egyptians should exercise more and suggested overweight people should be banned from TV.
In response, people have been sharing jokes online – including an image of a woman being taken away by a police officer while saying: “What’s wrong? I only gained two kilos.”
Another joke told of people in a car sucking in their bellies as they approached a police checkpoint.
We need fat checkpoints on the road, in the airports and in the schools.
The concept is simple: there will be a door set to healthy BMI specifications. If you cannot get through the door… well, it’s off to fat camp with you.
One joke featured a man asking to hide at a friend’s house from police until he loses weight, and another showed a man informing on his overweight wife to the authorities.
Your wife getting fat should honestly be reasonable grounds for divorce or at least bringing a younger and hotter chick into the mix.
Think about it.
You buy one product, but after a few years it degrades and doesn’t look anything like what you thought you were signing up for. This is grounds for demanding a refund with any other product, why not women as well?
WHO figures show 63% of Egyptians are overweight, including nearly 36% percent who are obese.
Woof. There should be Sharia Fatty Patrols to hunt down these fat skanks.
It would be a cushy job. After all, fat people can’t really run away from you…
Now, I’m not saying all fat people are bad. Fat men can be very funny.
If you wish to pursue a career in stand-up comedy or theatre or film and you are fat, you will get a state-provided special exception. In addition, special exceptions will be granted to fat people who are the life of the party or fill the role of “token fat guy” in a friend group.
But only one fat guy per group allowed. And if another guy gets fat, he and the old fat guy have to fight to the death to decide who can stay in the group. Sorry, them’s the rules.