Attention All Fortnight Zoomers! Be Wary of Fortnight Groomers!

Roy Batty
Daily Stormer
January 19, 2019

These criminals are getting cleverer and cleverer.


A 41-year-old man accused of using the hit video game Fortnite to initiate sexual activity with children has been arrested in Florida.

Woah, woah.

Maybe I should go back and change the headline here.

I wasn’t aware that this was yet another “Florida Man” story.

What schemes was he cooking up this time?

Anthony Gene Thomas of Broward County is accused of unlawful sex with a minor and possessing indecent images and videos of at least one victim.

According to police, an accomplice used Fortnite’s voice chat to meet children and introduce them to Mr Thomas.

Police believe there could be up to 20 additional victims.

Huh. Dark.


Personally, I don’t play video games. I don’t say this to brag because I wish I did so that I could write in-depth Gamergate style articles exposing corruption in the gaming industry and get filthy rich off Patreon shekels doing so.

But, alas, video games were just never one of my vices.

I preferred meth.

I have no idea how dangerous Fortnight is, but from reading this article it seems clear to me that it is a very dangerous activity for impressionable young children to be playing.

Parents take note!  

Your kids should be reading the Daily Stormer instead. It’s the only way to make sure your kids are safe and well-informed about the risks they face in this day and age.

Think about it.

You do your best to keep your kids safe by not letting them walk home from school anymore or hang out at the mall alone and you especially make sure that they get their license at 16 so they’re treated well by the peers and don’t have to ride public transportation.

But you let the ball slip when they’re at home because you believe that they’re safe.

Not so!

The internet is a game-changer.

Child-groomers are trying to prey on your Zoomer children and you are helpless to stop them. Because if you ban the video game, they’ll get upset and start going outside more where the other kinds of groomers are waiting in the bushes – the dumber, browner kind.

So kind of a Catch-22 for you as a parent, no?

Only the Daily Stormer offers a comprehensive solution going forward that makes sense: Right-Wing Fortnight Squads. 

Kind of like Right Wing Death Squads… but in Fortnight. 

When your kids are playing Fortnight or out there surfing the cyber, it’s important that they have their squad with them, keeping them out of trouble and ready to provide backup.

They’ll also dominate other teams if they have a solid squad with them at all times.

Kids these days need a group of their peers to help them “git gud” and improve their game-playing skills so that they aren’t treated as social pariahs at school or picked last for team games because nobody wants them.

Some parents have decided to go the retarded Boomer route and are paying for their kids to learn how to do Fortnight dances.

This will obviously just make your children even bigger targets for Fortnight enthusiasts who are child-groomers, like duh.

Not really using your brain on this one are you, parents? 

Perhaps you’re resisting me now, unable to comprehend the wisdom in my advice… but in time you will slowly start to realize that Right-Wing Fortnight Squads are not just a meme, but a necessity to keep your children safe.