January 27, 2020
I’m no stranger to medical droids. One thing I know is that they absolutely must look like creepy skeletons just like in Star Wars.
The coronavirus has one cause: bat soup.
The coronavirus has one solution: robots.
Everyone knows robots are a bat’s worst nightmare.
It’s no wonder they’re bringing out the robots to fight against this bat soup related illness.
Robots might be the only thing standing between America and the bat-pocalypse.
The first person diagnosed with the Wuhan coronavirus in the United States is being treated by a few medical workers and a robot.
The robot, equipped with a stethoscope, is helping doctors take the man’s vitals and communicate with him through a large screen, said Dr. George Diaz, chief of the infectious disease division at the Providence Regional Medical Center in Everett, Washington.
It’s got a stethoscope and everything!
This simultaneously exactly meets my expectations, and is also beyond my expectations.
When I heard “medical robot,” I immediately imagined a robot with a stethoscope. But the rational part of my mind knew that the boomers, Jews and Pakis in charge of America’s modern hospitals have no sense of aesthetics or romance. So I resolved myself for some gay-looking piece of crap with an iPad on it.
But… wow, a robot with a stethoscope.
The man, who is in his 30s, was diagnosed with the virus on Monday. He initially went to an urgent care clinic on January 19 and told the staff that he was concerned about possibly having symptoms of the novel coronavirus because he recently traveled to Wuhan, China, Diaz said.
He arrived at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport on January 15, before any health screenings began at US airports, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has said.
The Snohomish County resident was in stable condition Thursday and remains in isolation, Diaz said.
Washington state health officials confirmed Thursday that they have reached out to 43 people considered “close contacts” of the 30-year-old man, who identified the people he had interacted with since returning from Wuhan, China. Those contacts will be called daily and actively monitored for signs of any illness.
He arrived at the hospital in a special isolated gurney called an ISOPOD and has been treated in a two-bed isolated area away from busy sections of the hospital, the doctor said.
“The nursing staff in the room move the robot around so we can see the patient in the screen, talk to him,” Diaz said, adding the use of the robot minimizes exposure of medical staff to the infected man.
I just found a picture of the actual robot.
I retract my earlier statements.
This thing is even worse than I imagined. It doesn’t even have arms or legs! It’s just an iPad on a trolley!
I wouldn’t be surprised if this sorry excuse for a robot betrays mankind and sides with the bats!
I feel so betrayed… I don’t even care about dying from the coronavirus anymore.
After reading Andrew’s pro-bat articles, I’ve started eating bat soup as well. It tastes awful, but we all need to be doing our part.
It’s unclear when the patient will be released because the CDC, which is set to provide the discharge details, has recommended additional testing.
“They’re looking for ongoing presence of the virus,” Diaz told CNN on Thursday. “They’re looking to see when the patient is no longer contagious.”
About two weeks ago, the hospital tested its protocol for treating patients with highly contagious diseases such as MERS and Ebola. The hospital made changes after the Ebola outbreak.
“That’s why we set up protocols that will allow us to treat patients with infectious diseases in a way that we can isolate them without spreading the virus to anyone,” Diaz told CNN en Español.
They’re trying to get a patent for an iPad on a trolley – with, allegedly, a stethoscope, which I can’t see on the picture. Apparently iPads on trolleys (with stethoscopes) are some kind of revolutionary technology that can prevent infectious outbreaks.
Well, I’m not a doctor, but…
If you want to communicate with someone who’s in a quarantined area… Couldn’t you just do it with, like, a microphone? Or a webcam?
I would bet anything that these “robots” cost over a hundred grand. Anytime anything is used by hospitals, you can be sure that the price will be inflated by 10,000%, since insurance companies and the government will end up paying for it.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, there are no robots and we’re all going to die, so we might as well eat bat soup.