February 19, 2020
I believe the first step to stop the weather from changing is to build massive domes to shove our cities into. Also, chemtrails.
The biggest problem in the world today is that the weather just keeps changing.
I’ve experienced this myself, in fact.
Sometimes, it’s cold. Sometimes, it’s too hot. Sometimes, it rains, or snows, or it’s too windy…
The weather is really all over the place. It really gets in the way of my plans to BBQ some steaks, you know?
Is it too much to ask to be able to grill meat outside 365 days a year?
Luckily, the Amazon man Jeff Bezos is getting on this problem, so we can all feel safe in the knowledge that the weather will soon stop changing.
Presumably, the weather will now be exactly perfect for shopping online and receiving packages, every day of the year.
Amazon boss Jeff Bezos has pledged $10bn (£7.7bn) to help fight climate change.
The world’s richest man said the money would finance work by scientists, activists and other groups.
He said: “I want to work alongside others both to amplify known ways and to explore new ways of fighting the devastating impact of climate change.”
Writing on his Instagram account, Mr Bezos said the fund would begin distributing money this summer.
Mr Bezos has an estimated net worth of more than $130bn, so the pledge represents almost 8% of his fortune.
Some Amazon employees have urged him to do more to fight climate change. There have been walkouts and some staff have spoken publicly. Also, Mr Bezos is financing the Blue Origin space programme.
Actually, space exploration might be the ultimate and perfect solution to preventing the weather from changing. After all, in space, the weather is pretty stable, no?
Just make sure to wear sunscreen and shades if you’re going in the sunny spots. It gets a bit balmy. You might want to pack a coat for the shady spots, too.
Maybe Bezos should just funnel all that money into his space program instead.
Compared to some multi-billionaires, Mr Bezos had done only limited philanthropy. His biggest donation before Monday’s pledge is thought to have been $2bn in September 2018 to help homeless families and fund schools.
He has also been criticised for not signing the Giving Pledge, under which the super-rich promise to give away half of their wealth during their lifetimes.
The Seattle-based company is a neighbour of Microsoft, which in January unveiled a plan to become carbon negative by 2030.
Mr Bezos’s full Instagram post read: “Today, I’m thrilled to announce I am launching the Bezos Earth Fund.
”Climate change is the biggest threat to our planet. I want to work alongside others both to amplify known ways and to explore new ways of fighting the devastating impact of climate change on this planet we all share. This global initiative will fund scientists, activists, NGOs – any effort that offers a real possibility to help preserve and protect the natural world.
“We can save Earth. It’s going to take collective action from big companies, small companies, nation states, global organisations, and individuals.
Bezos has already saved the earth, in his own way:
- He’s saved us from long shipping times when ordering knickknacks online.
- He’s saved us from wrongthink by having everyone install internet-connected microphones in their homes.
- He’s saved his employees from having to go to the bathroom by having them pee in bottles.
Bezos is a savior and a visionary.
So now he’ll save us from the changing weather. The question isn’t whether he’ll succeed or not. The question is, can you handle how advanced Bezos’ vision for the future is?
We’re talking Amazon killbot drones roaming the streets, helping people safely consume. We’re talking Alexa AI servers directly connected to everyone’s nervous systems, ready to order any product whenever the thought (or subconscious desire) emerges. We’re talking bottles permanently attached to everyone’s peehole, improving productivity nationwide.
Listen, I’ve ordered packages online, only to have them arrive late because of “adverse weather conditions.”
It’s time we, as a society, took a step forward and got this stupid climate under control in order to finally get those Amazon delivery dates stabilized for good.