May 9, 2019
Some numbers have been released and they put in perspective how ludicrous everything border-related is right now.
The number of migrants apprehended at the Southern border topped 100,000 for the second month in a row as the Trump administration manages an ever-increasing number of Central American families streaming to the U.S. that hardline policies have failed to stem.
Border Patrol Chief Carla Provost told senators Wednesday that apprehension numbers were “off the charts,” and she’s had to divert agents to care for children. As she spoke, images of Border Patrol agents holding small children flashed behind her. In one, an agent feeds a little girl a bottle.
The number of goblins breaching the border is so high that there’s just not enough personnel or resources to process them while performing normal tasks, so Border Patrol agents have to be repurposed as nannies for early-stage goblins.
Keep in mind that these new nannies were hired to do other important jobs that are not getting done now.
Although it’s not as though women ever do any real work anyway.
“We cannot address this crisis by shifting more resources,” Provost said. “It’s like holding a bucket under a faucet. It doesn’t matter how many buckets we have if we can’t turn off the flow.”
There were 109,144 migrants encountered in April, the highest since 2007, including more than 58,000 migrant parents and children and 8,800 unaccompanied children taken into custody, according to Homeland Security figures. Border apprehensions are a barometer for people coming illegally, and a data point President Donald Trump watches closely and rails against.
Provost, a longtime border agent with more than 25 years of experience, said shifting resources will not address the crisis. She said she is worried about drugs and other contraband that is getting through as resources are moved to caring for children.
Provost is correct. The easier and more comfortable you make the invasion process for goblins, the more goblins will come. It’s obvious. If Americans continue throwing money at “managing” the invasion instead of investing money into stopping the invasion, there will be no more money left and the entire goblin population of the world will move into the United States.
To make things worse, assigning goblin-caring roles to these agents and throwing money and resources at this goblin processing thing leaves important areas unattended and wastes resources that should be available for other, much more productive ends.
As if that were not enough, the White House wants to waste an additional $4.5 billion on the human rights of goblins.
Democratic senators said Trump’s own failed immigration policies, including zero tolerance that led to family separations, helped contribute to the crisis at the border. Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin said Trump’s immigration policies are cruel, unpredictable and ineffective.
But lawmakers on both sides seem to agree more that there is a crisis at the border that needs to be resolved. Provost told senators at a Judiciary subcommittee hearing that border officials need laws changed to be able to detain families until their immigration cases are completed. She also said there needs to be changes to make it easier for children who have traveled alone to be returned to their countries. It’s a similar refrain repeated by Homeland Security officials, including Acting Homeland Security Secretary Kevin McAleenan. The White House has asked for $4.5 billion more to help manage the number of migrants.
But not everything is bad news. Some of the goblins coming to America are very good for the environment: they love recycling so much that they recycle even their own goblin children.
Isn’t more recycling exactly what we need now that global warming is about to burn the world?
Immigration agencies also allege that many adults and children who cross the U.S.-Mexico border are falsely posing as families so they can be released more quickly into the country. One practice they say is occurring is called “child recycling,” in which immigrant youth pose as the children of multiple adults to get them through processing.
Matthew Albence, acting director of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, said agents in recent weeks have identified 65 adults and children as fraudulent. Agents uncovered one case of a 7-year-old girl from Guatemala whose mother sent her three times to help other adults enter, Albence said.
It’s clear that these legummanoids are pretty well-versed in taking advantage of our laws and immigration process, which combined with the fact that there’s nothing stopping them from doing so, means that the number of hordes and the numbers of goblins forming those hordes will continue to rise and break previous records — as has been happening for three months now.
For a third consecutive month, the number of migrant families apprehended by U.S. authorities at the border reached a record high as the Trump administration advocates for more stringent measures to address the recent large-scale migration from Central American countries plagued by violence and poverty.
You’re supposed to think this isn’t an invasion because goblins ask for asylum while coming with their kids and families, but the asylum-granting process is broken too, just like everything border-related.
Goblins are not even attending their asylum hearing and the government has no way of tracking them down in order to deport them.
They’re here to stay.
ICE has already released 168,000 illegal immigrant family members into the U.S. this fiscal year, and the number is likely to surge as the border situation deteriorates, a top deportation official told Congress on Wednesday.
According to the results of a pilot program, a staggering 87% of released families are skipping their court hearings, leaving judges to order them deported in absentia — and the government is ill-equipped to track them down.
The majority of them knew what they were getting into when they claimed asylum. They were likely instructed to miss their asylum hearings by the travel agencies that brought them here.
This is proof that the overwhelming majority of goblins that get in stay inside regardless of whether their asylum claim is rejected or not, which makes the whole “processing” thing a useless waste of money, time, and energy. Ignoring them as they walk in would have the same result.
If you can’t track the goblins you processed in case you want to deport them, why even process them in the first place?
We can’t deal with this problem by building more tent cities for them.
Building a wall could fix this mess.